Miracle Baby

I recently watched a video about a couple who struggled through infertility and their relationship with God and how it lead to their adoption of their daughter Chloe. This video was such an awakening moment for me a soon to be mom in my second trimester.

I have wrote on here before about my husband and I's struggle with infertility but watching that video it reminded me the battle, the road we went through, the gloom I had fought through and where we are now.

A lot of people know I've struggled with PCOS and with the diagnosis after diagnosis of being infertile but when my husband and I were married we chose not to accept that fate. We did countless doctors appointments, countless false positive pregnancy tests, countless heartaches and hurt and brokeness. Finally we decided to do foster care because regardless we knew God intended for ust o be parents. We finished foster care classes last winter and decided to wait till this August to puruse it actively to give us some time to find a place and be settled and prepare. In October I made the choice with my husband's support to not try actively, to stop tracking everything, to not take medications and to not crazily see doctors and do blood work and etc. My thought was I want to go through the holidays with the heartache of trying and failing screaming in my face. Little did I know that over the holidays I would be experiencing the beginnings of our first trimester. Now in August we are going to be parents to a sweet little one and it's only by God's grace and healing power. There is no doubt in Randy and I that this baby is a miracle from God specifically for us. We haven't let go of our foster care but we have put it on the back burner for now but we know from being faithful and trusting in God that He would bless us with this child.

When it seems like all hope is gone, when it seems like everything is slipping and there is no hope we need to grasp God as tightly as we can because it's in those moments that God is doing the mightiest amount of work in our lives. I had been facing infertility since I was 16, doctor after doctor telling me my chances were slim if any and my husband and I when married going through the bouts of trying and failing and me going through the hurt and heartache of not being able to do the one thing a woman should be able to do and that's be a mother.

Our turning point I will never forget, it was the week of my birthday I was turning 24 (my favorite number) and I looked at my husband and said "This year is MY year, I am going to accomplish whatever I want this year and nothing is going to hold me back. This year EVERYTHING is going to go my way." At the time my husband did the loving chuckle and said "Okay it's the year of Ashley"

Fast forward now... It's the end of November, I look at my husband in conversation and I don't know what possessed me to say it but I said to my husband "I have decided something, I have decided that I am pregnant and that is just how it's going to be." my husband slightly concerned smiled and lovingly but sternly looked at me and said "I don't think that's how it works, I think you may want to have a talk with God on that one." and without even blinking I said "Oh trust me I intend to." That night I prayed so hard and talked through so much with God while my husband peacefully slept and I went to bed knowing it was in God's hands.

After that moment I never really talked about it again, I moved on and honestly forgot about the conversation till December and no time of the month like usual... so I talked with my husband and we agreed to not talk about it with anyone and not take a test till after Christmas because I wanted to enjoy my holidays it wasn't the first time I had missed a month. I however did have prenatal I started taking in case but of course it was on the down low so as not to have people speculating. Then on December 31st 2016 I woke up at 7:00 am and decided while everyone was sleeping that it was time to take a test. By 7:15 am it was a definite that I was pregnant. I calmly walked into my husband who was sleeping and said "Do you want to know a secret going into the new year?" Immediately he woke up and said "You took the test didn't you?!" and I smiled, showed him the test and said "I'm pregnant" we smiled, laughed and for some reason unlike the other positive tests from previous thoughts this one we felt confirmed in our spirit was for sure real. I entered 2017 knowing that God had performed the biggest gift and miracle He could have given my husband and I.

A lot of people may be skeptical of our story, and our testimony but it's just that as cliche as it is, when we are put through the hardest of tests that's when God decides to make it a testimony. Don't give up, but don't hold tight either. Be ready for however God wants to work in your life and in whatever timing He sees fit. There is no doubt in my mind that this child is God's and will do great things for the kingdom. While my husband and I may be parents, it doesn't change the fact that God is still God and He is the one who ultimately has control over our child's fate. It's comforting to know that thought we may be newbies to parenting, and though we may not have it all together, God has His hand and control on this child's life so we know everything will work out for the good.