Fertile or Not Fertile?

Many people who know me know I have dealt with many issues health wise since I was about 16 years old, what many people don't know is how extensive having these issues at a such a young age can be. When I was 16 I started having feminine problems, I went to doctor after doctor, specialist after specialist and every single one of them summed it up to be "Well your going through puberty." None of them wanted to listen to me and hear me, even though I was the one living with the issues. Finally my senior year of high school the pain got to bad, to the point that I missed literally half of my senior year of school. All because I was in pain, and no one would listen to me as to what was my pain, and where it was, some doctors said I just wanted out of school, some said that I didn't know what I was talking about, and some even went as far as to say that it was all in my head. But something in me knew this wasn't in my head, this was real, it hurt, and I could see and feel my body giving me warning signs that something was wrong.

When I was in my first year of college I finally found a doctor who for the most part listened to what I had to say, ordered tests and blood work, so much so that he would check my hormones, every month 1x a month I would be going for blood work and ultra sounds. finally my second year of college I heard devastating news but at the same time while hearing the news I had a rock lifted off my shoulder and a new one put on. "You have PCOS" Me being young, I asked "What is PCOS? How do I get rid of it? What are my chances of having a baby? Will this affect me long term?" the doctor responded with "Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and you just need to lose weight and you'll be fine." they handed me a pamphlet of papers on it and sent me on my way. Upon entering the car and reading the first sentence sealed my fate, "Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome is a fertility disorder caused by a hormone imbalance" *Thank you doctor for being so upfront on answering me*

Flash forward to October 2015, I am 2 months into my marriage, I have just run out of hormone treatments and need more, so I find a doctor, a specialist and she does 1 ultrasound, and 1 blood work test, and determines, "You don't have PCOS, you currently have no cysts and right now your hormones are fine."

Now someone living with the problems I have been living with would probably roll her eyes at the doctor and find a new one, but me being so prayerful for a healing, I believed her. When I left I stopped hormone treatments, no more montly blood work, no more ultrasounds. I was free.....was being the key here.

Flash forward further now to February 10, 2016, Yesterday. I was coming down with what I thought might be strep throat, or a really nasty cold (turns out a really yucky sore throat thanks to my sinuses) and I have a new family doctor, so of course he has me go through EVERY little background of history for me medically and mentally. When I finally finish he does a test to see if I am pregnant, as I am married so you know...married couples do things. I had been showing signs of pregnancy from late, missed or non existant periods, nausea, constant exhaustion, bodily fluids not so appetizing, appetite lowered but when I did eat it was weird cravings of items, and a constant need to clean. From all this he did the pregnancy test and this is the following that he explained to me:

"You do not have strep throat, you have bad sinuses and are probably eventually going to have a bad cold. Your also not pregnant." at that moment, the world stopped, my eyes filled with tears and I just lost it crying. While right now probably isn't the best time to be having a baby, a baby was what my husband and I were hoping for. This moment, this problem, it told me multitudes. The doctor looked at me very confused as to why I was so emotionally distraught. Finally my husband the loving protector that he is speaks up and says "She thought she was pregnant, she has been having symptoms that were pointing to pregnancy and she had hoped you'd come in and say she's pregnant." I could see the horror, the sympathy and the kindness all wrapped into one on the doctors face. He asked me why my new gynecologist had said I had no PCOS and what tests were done, I mumbled 1 blood test and 1 ultrasound and in that moment that is when I knew God had placed me with the right doctor, because his response was this

"PCOS: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, is a syndrome, that means you could have some symptoms, or you could have all symptoms, or you could only have one symptom, but that doesn't mean you don't have it, you don't have to have a cyst on your ovary constantly to confirm you have PCOS. There are multitudes of tests that need to be done and even then you can't completely rule it out especially with someone with your history and the displays your showing. What I want you to do is reschedule an appointment with your doctor and explain everything you explained to me and what we have discussed, and as for me, I want you to walk everyday together for at least 15 to 20 minutes, it will help you in losing some weight which will help with your fertility and PCOS, and it will help you to bond, then I want you to eat as much vegetables and fruits as you can, the more of it you eat the better. When you come back in March, I want to see that you BOTH have lost 5 pounds. You guys have to do this together, your newlyweds enjoy the process of being just married, and work together."

This this was the best thing I could have heard from a doctor, the worst news but the best help, the best advice.

So am I healed? Yes and No, I no longer carry my PCOS as a huge rock on my shoulder, I now carry it as a pebble in my pocket, do I still have PCOS, unfortunately yes, but you know what? That is ok. God has blessed me with many nephews and a few nieces and I have been able to devote my whole being into being a good Mimi or Aunt, and being a good steward of God, pouring my heart into renovating the church nursery and getting a staffed program running, and caring for those and advocating for those that can't.

Yesterday was Hard, but that's part of being a Harding.