Book Bucket List

Since I hear from a lot of people and baby blogs that once your little blessing is born there is very seldom time for yourself I thought what is the one thing I want to enjoy and savor and that's peace and quiet while reading a book. So I decided to come up with a book reading bucket list leading up to the baby so I can go on many adventures while not having to leave my home! I figured out I have about enough time for 20 books give or take a book a week or a book every two weeks.

1. Beauty and the Beast (the classic) 
2. Live Original by Sadie Robertson
3. The Book Thief by: Markus Zusak
4. Lioness Arising: Lisa Bevere
5. Finding your Voice: Natalie Grant
6. Without Rival: Lisa Bevere
7. God is Not Mad at You: Joyce Meyer
8. When God makes Lemonade: Don Jacobson
9. Beauty for Ashes: Joyce Meyer
10. Choose Love: Stormie Omartian
11. An Uncommon Heroine: Most Remarkable Women in Literature: Jamie Robertson
12. Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World: Jill Rigby
13. A Good and Perfect Gift: Amy Julia Becker
14. No More Christian Nice Girl: Jennifer D. Degler
15. I Love You To God and Back: Amanda Lamb
16. Overcoming Anxiety, Worry, and Fear: Gregory L. Jantz
17. The Good, The Bad, and The Grace of God: Jep and Jessica Robertson
18. The 5 Love Languages of Children: Gary Chapman
19. Leading on Empty: Wayne Cordeiro
20. Cultivating a Cutting- Edge Children's Church: Dick Gruber
21. **BONUS BOOK**: I still believe: Jeremy Camp

While most of these are ministry books that cover a vast amount of different topics, some of these are reads that I just simply enjoy, some of them I have read already a couple times and some I have had for a while but never started to read. Something my aunt and uncle who have straight A students has done since they found out they were pregnant with each of their children is they would have my Uncle read to the child in the womb allowing the child to hear dad's voice but also building it's fundamentals in vocabulary. My husband and I started this as soon as we found out we were expecting as well. Below is the list of what we have already read (mind you some days you just fall asleep and forget to read). Of course we hope to continue our reading to the child way after we have the baby but it is fun as parents to be right now just visiting our childhood and reading books some new and some from when we were little. I will say we DID NOT go out and buy all these books. I have a huge collection of them from when I was a child and also from my little nephew and yard sale finds that we did. 

1. 1/117: I love you this much
2. 1/1/17: If you give a mouse a cookie
3. 1/2/17: Hats off to Lyle (yes this is veggie tales) 
4. 1/3/17: The Tiny Angel
5. 1/4/17: The Foot Book
6. 1/5/17: I was so Mad
7. 1/6/17: A baby is born welcome to our world
8. 1/7/17: I knew you could
9. 1/8/17: Giggle Giggle Quack
10. 1/9/17: Luke 9 in the Bible
11. 1/10/17: Put me in the zoo and a fly went by 
12. 1/11/17: Are you my mother?
13. 1/12/17: Go dog Go
14. 1/13/17: This nest is the best
15. 1/14/17: It's not easy being a bunny
16. 1/16/17: Mouses first spring
17. 1/17/17: Glasses for D.W
18. 1/18/17: Flip and Flop
19. 1/29/17: Little quack loves colors
20. 1/30/17: A splendid friend indeed
21. 1/31/17: Winnie the Pooh and Tigger too
22. 2/2/17: Smooch is a smoocher
23. 2/3/17: A Baby is born welcome to our world (second time reading it whoops) 
24. 2/4/17: Kiss goodnight
25. 2/5/17: Mouses first fall
26. 2/6/17: I love you honey bunny
27. 2/8/17: Just Grandpa and Me
28. 2/9/17: Arthur's reading race

So I know this is a lot of info and some of this blog post your probably wondering why I shared, well to be honest it's part of a memory for my husband and I to archive and revisit and because we want you guys to join us in our journey! If you feel drawn to one of the books I am reading on my bucket list reach out and let's read them together!!!! Also if you have any fun kids book suggestions for a future read hit us up with some fun ideas!!! Lastly out of curiosity, What was your favorite kids book growing up? 

Sheep and Wolves: Matthew 10

Recently in my devotions I found myself drawn to reading Matthew 10, throughout this chapter there were so many words that just spilled off the page in my Bible and into my heart that I just felt like I need to share what was placed on my heart. I in no way claim to be a Pastor, or am certified by anyone other than Christ and I to struggle  in my day to day life so please don't see this as me "preaching at you" rather sharing my heart and wearing it on my sleeve.

That said let's begin,

Starting with Matthew 10:9 and 10
"You received without paying; give without pay. Acquire no gold or silver or copper for your belts, no bag for you journey, or two tunics or sandals or a staff, for the laborer deserves his food."

• We were given Christ without having to pay for that major gift so God's love we should be giving at no cost to others. Since when do we get to decide who is and who isn't worthy of God's love and who is and who isn't supposed to be excluded from that free love which we received without having to give anything? 

Verse 13

"And if the house is worthy, let your peace come upon it, but if it is not worthy, let your peace return to you." 

• Peace is to be given to those who deserve it or who are willing to receive it otherwise the peace of the Lord is yours to have. 
• Do not let someone who refuses to accept the word of the Lord, and the Lord to steal your peace, for peace doesn't belong to them it belongs to God and His people and only you can decide to allow someone to take your peace away. 

Verse 16

"Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves."

• When we look into the nature of the animals listed above it doesn't take long to see what the Lord is calling us as His followers to behave and portray. 
• Sheep: These are naturally non-aggressive animals that are peaceful animals
• Wolves: roams the wild with a thirst for freedom working within a social environment
• What does all of this mean for us? 
• God calls us to be non aggressive, by separating from the pack of wolves we are the ones who receive the utmost freedom. By allowing God to direct our lives we then become not one of the heard and the world. Now the verse also states we are to be wise as serpents. Have you ever watching serpents hunting their prey? They gain the trust of the prey and then in a fast very orchestrated attack in one sweep of motion they demolish their prey. God isn't asking us to be dumb, or to sit and do nothing but what He is asking of us is to be purposeful, and to be peaceful ,and lastly we are to be innocent. We are to keep our hands clean of injustice towards others and in this day and age and what is going on it's not hard to see we are surrounded by many of wolves and many of people who claim christianity but forget what that entails. 
• God does not call us to hate those who are different than others, God does not call us to prevent those from better life, God does not call us to be spiteful of those who don't accept our faith. Further in to Chapter 10 we see this. 

Verse 20

"For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking THROUGH you."

• This is a very meaningful piece of scripture, something that I feel is of utmost importance to remember. It is NOT us who are to speak out on matters but THE LORD who is to speak THROUGH us. We are to be a vessel for the Holy Spirit to move. Often times we forget that the Lord is the one who is to express in the dark hour, it is the LORD who is supposed to be the one to reign over all things. 
• Often times we forget that the Lord is the one in control and we construde OUR OPINIONS as the LORD'S FACTS! Instead of speaking for God, let God speak for you

Verse 34 to 39

"Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the Earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

• The Lord isn't bringing peace to Earth but rather fighting for the Lost, and preparing us for battle. 
• Those who love others above God will be denied, choosing your children, parents, aunts or uncles, grandparents before you choose God and follow God's order for your life will lead to God denying you. God is to be above EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING not just the things that you want to put God before but above all of it. 
• Your enemies can be found in your own house: I know this one is a shocker but sit for a moment and let that sink in. How often has God placed something on your heart or a call on your life and you thought "My family would never understand this" or you actively pursue it but upon speaking about it with family you hear from them "How irresponsible, or immature, or they offer an alternative to what you feel God has placed on your heart." Rebuke it. This could be mom, dad, or even a spouse. No one is above this piece of scripture it is in the Bible for a reason. Our family is our greatest weakness or our greatest supports there is a reason that God warns us of enemies within our homes. 

All of the above being said I genuinely recommend you pray and really pursue God and what He expects and has called for your life. Pray that God gives you that check of if you are in the right place that God has for you or are you running and hiding from what God wants for you? Have you put your finances, family, and "practicality" above God? It's never to late to fix the path you are on. 

I pray for all of you that God will reach you where you are and bless you abundantly for accepting God's call and walking in faith. 

Baby Baby

Those of you who have followed my journey as a new wife, beagle mom, and recipe tester, you have read posts about my struggle with infertility. You've read about the hurts that my husband and I have faced and the insensitive remarks we have heard. When I share on here I always share my heart and share very honestly how I am feeling and thinking so that being said I wanted to be open and share our latest update for my husband and I with those who have prayed with us, for us, and been so supportive for us.

Are you ready for the big news?!

WE ARE EXPECTING!!!!!!!!!!!!

I KNOW, CRAZY RIGHT?!!!

As of a couple days ago we hit our 11 week mark and the day after Valentine's Day we will be having our FIRST ULTRASOUND!!! We are so blessed and so excited for this new adventure! I want to say thank you so much for praying for us and being our support we found out with a home test on New Year's Eve, and was confirmed right after New Year's. What a way to start our year!!!

For those still struggling: 

I want you to know that I have not forgotten you, I have not let go of the hurt and the feelings of disappointment over and over again. While I know I am pregnant and you are struggling I want you to know I am still here for you, I still remember the hurt of finding out time after time that there is no baby, I remember hearing the words from doctor after doctor telling me without fertility treatments I more than likely would not carry a child and even with its a slim window, I did not forget the stinging hurt everytime someone told me they were with child, the feeling of having to smile and be happy for them meanwhile crying in private wondering if that would ever be me. Through this experience while I am eager and excited for this journey I want you to know I never want to EVER be insensitive to you. I will always be there for you. My encouragement to you is to keep your faith, to stay strong in the Lord even when your at your weakest. Let your heart express the hurt your feeling with God and take the time to let God speak life into you! I know what I am saying is hard and I know at times your not going to be able to follow through with it all but I need you to know I was there, I have journal upon journals to show the hurt, anguish, depression, and lostness that I had felt.

Lastly,
My Uncle said something so memorable to me while I was visiting family a week ago and we were discussing how it could be twins, and I was so scared and said "No I couldn't handle that" with all the joking aside and with the most calm, serious, loving, compassionate tone he responded with "You'll handle it perfectly because God only gives you what you can handle, and He will give you the resources you need, God is not limited in finances alone." That stuck with me and it still sticks with me. As hard as the hurt is that your feeling God is going to get you through it just stay faithful and remember that birthing a child isn't the only way to be a parent. Right before my husband and I found out we conceived we were ready to start looking into adoption and to be honest we still will probably look into it in time.

What a New Year

    Lot's of people during the end of a year will make a resolution for the new year, for new hopes, new dreams, new goals that they never felt was possible but because of the magic of the time changing and it being a whole new year, the calendar starting over, the times changing something happens within us big or small. We all have this inner thought of what we want differently for this year, or what we want to stay the same as the world changes.
    However, it also causes us to acknowledge the things that did not go our way the year previously, the hurt we went through, the hard times we shared, the lonely moments that no one knows about. We don't discuss those enough, at least I don't think so. We smile and say "I'm going to lose weight this year." or "I'm going to take dance lessons." or "I'm going to tell that person that I have been holding back from exactly how I feel." In reality though we very seldomly follow through. Why do I say such a depressing and glum thing? Because sometimes you have to face reality for what it is so you face the miracles of every day life, acknowledge the wrong that is going on to acknowledge the random, but wonderfully greeted peace we receive in very random and sporadic moments. Those, those are the moments we hold onto throughout the New Year, it's not the big hurtles we leap, it's not the speed of the race we run, it's not the place you take but the small still breathing in between those hurtles, and the determination of that race that we need to celebrate and not the place you receive but the fact that you finished while so many unfortunately did not and will not be celebrating another year.
      Why do I write about this today? Why on January 6th am I choosing to do this? Because already six days into the year there have been many changes to my life. Already 6 days into this year I have something to work towards, already I have failed a few times, but already I have gotten back up fixed my hair and got back to running the race of life.

My recommendation to you for this year, keep your new year resolutions in mind they aren't terrible to have, however add to it, something small but can make a huge significance, Make your New Year's resolution to "Accept and enjoy the peaceful moments, and conquer the hard ones, and know that every now and again it's okay to cry, and every now and again it's okay to feel defeated. It's a matter of what you do with the defeat you feel that makes the difference."

I'm praying for all of you who read this, and I hope that you pray for me as well, we are all on a journey hopefully with the same goal in mind.

To love God and love ourselves.
xoxo

the Happily Harding wife.

Holiday Blindness

So the holidays are here, that time of year that people look forward to because it's the time of year when families old and young, far and close draw near to one another. Maybe not physically but they feel that closeness and that bond. Families gather in hopes of reminiscing on past memories and humorous stories, and there's always a somber loving warmth to that holiday together. Most generally we see people caring for strangers and being there for loved ones when any other time of the year they'd be forgotten. This year is no different in some instances.

However this year in some instances have changed....

I don't know how to write about this, I don't even know where to begin in all honesty. There's something to be said to be in your 20's feeling the world at your fingertips, feeling like you can go anywhere and do anything and there is nothing that can stop you, your young and your invincible. Then it happens... Life happens.... your flying high in the clouds and then a brick get's tied to your foot and pulls you down low in the valley. The brick you ask? Cancer. Not my cancer, not my husband having cancer, but a very close and important relative, I choose not to share the name or the relation because it's not relevant to what I am trying to express and it's not my story to share. I am the person on the outside looking in the window to this brick, I am the person who while flying high looks at the ground and sees the reality of what's going on all around. There is an amazingly scary thing that happens when a loved one has cancer, while hearing the news and processing it and living so close to it knocks the breath out of you single handedly it also draws a force stronger than a tornado, stronger than a hurricane and it's family.

The past few years in my life Christmas has had many scary moments, last year my grandfather in a nursing home one of my biggest nightmares come true, the year before my amazing sweet little cousin having multiple surgeries and the year before that even more. I can't begin to fathom the great devestation that my family has seen... That I have seen. Yet somehow each Christmas wasn't tainted, each Christmas came out with some loving memories, each Christmas I experienced a free gift but a gift that means the world and that's unconditional love. I know there are many people who don't have family that are close, or who have separated themselves from family in fear, or shame or hurt. I encourage you to look beyond it, see if there's a way of working through it with compassion and love and kindness, and most importantly grace. By now I am sure you have thought of someone close or distant that you care about, by now I am sure you have thought of a hurt relationship that you have dealt with and by now I am sure before I even finish typing this sentence that you have a perfect image of that person. My recommendation to you? Reach out. Pray without ceasing for the natural opportunity for wounds to be healed and relationships to be mended.

My last hope and prayer this holiday season is that you open your eyes to the disasters of this world, you open your eyes to the lost and the hungry and the hurting, to the lonely and to the ones who are full of everything but love. I pray that after New Year's day you don't forget about the homeless who still need jackets and food, and you don't forget about the animals who have no warmth or shelter, and you don't forget about the children living in poverty hoping for a bed of their own or a new pair of socks. I pray that you carry those hurts and burdens and until the day you take your last breath you do all that you can to help others. Christmas while a beautiful and fun season is not about gifts, or food, or parties, it's about a sweet innocent love for the world that caused the amazing miraculous birth of Christ to help heal the broken and lost without judgement. I could go into a Bible lesson about judging others but I won't. Grace is for everyone so extend it this year and beyond that.

This year has been a trying year for many of us and unfortunately next year will probably be trying as well however if we hold fast to the grace and love and support that God has blessed us with whether it be through family, friends, a church congregation then maybe just maybe we can see a little bit more hope next year.

God Bless,
Ashley

Joy in the Morning Part 2

I have an anxiety disorder and from that stems insomnia.
There I said it.

I didn't always have anxiety problems, actually I didn't really know what anxiety was till I had it. I always thought it was some dramatic form of overreacting to things that people do for attention. Then I turned 23 and was married and realized I was living with the very thing I thought didn't exist. In the past year and a half I have been dealing with a great amount of anxiety, panic attacks, and sleepless nights. I never really told many people because I felt it was weak, and something to be ashamed of, and I was terrified of what people may think of me if they knew.

Recently as of yesterday I decided to go to the doctor about my anxiety attacks and insomnia, mainly because what was something I dealt with every other day became every day. No one looking at me during the day time would know that the whole night before I had struggled to catch my breath and to calm my brain so I can rest my head on a pillow, but I did. Funny thing about having anxiety is it's all mental. I can hide it like someone hides a lie their telling, interestingly by hiding my anxiety I was hiding a lie. I know some people won't understand still and they may look at me like I looked at others with anxiety and say that they were looking for attention, or sympathy or to be the spotlight.

I can promise you I'm not.

What I do want out of this post though is to make people aware that anxiety and insomnia are real. They are things that your daughter, best friend, sister, or coworker can be suffering from and unless they want you to know you won't know. I handled my anxiety naturally for a year and a half, just breathing and praying scripture over myself, and listening to worship music what came as a therapy the most was actually surprising, though I don't know why.

My dog. Yep you read that right my dog, she's a spunky beagle with a lot of attitude who most times can't sit still for 5 minutes, however this past week with my anxiety at a new high and no sleep occurring she managed to not just calm down but to calm me down. She laid on my chest allowing me to hold her as tightly as I needed till I was calm again and then stayed guard while I slept sitting next to me ensuring that no one interrupted my sleep. When I woke the next morning I knew that I needed to get professional help. Yes my sweet beagle was working for me this week, but just like my breathing was working for a while I knew soon it would fade and I'd be back to square one. So I went to the doctor.

After a long discussion with my doctor about how long my anxiety and insomnia has been going on and about how for a week straight I will have been lucky to get 3 hours of sleep consistently we decided it was time to try a very mild medication. It's not one of those pills that you all of sudden are happy no matter what, it's not one of those pills that you are numb to the world, it's a pill that is going to grant me sleep, and is going to grant me the ability to sort through my thoughts when I feel anxiety arising. Just like you didn't know I had such severe anxiety you won't even know that I am taking anxiety medication at all unless I mention it. My goal isn't to be on this medication forever and that's something my doctor is well aware of, while I know medication is there for a reason I also am one to not want to take advantage of it for a lifetime if I can help it.

So why did I share this? Why did I blast this all over my social media and in such a detailed way? Because I am not ashamed anymore, because after I received the first step to help in dealing with this I realized that there is probably someone I know close or not close that is dealing with the same thing or similar and their to scared to ask for help, or their to scared of what will happen when they ask for it. I know I was in that group up until literally yesterday afternoon. My best friend had been for almost a year begging me to seek professional guidance and I wouldn't because I was so scared of what it would do to my "reputation" or what it would do to the way people think of me, or if it would alter the way my family sees me. Then I realized all those thoughts right there was my anxiety once again stepping in where it didn't belong.

Last night in our nightly devotions and prayer my husband read to me about Joy coming in the morning, and as he read it I finally closed my eyes and fell asleep because when the sun comes up I know I am going to be okay, I know I have God to take care of me, and to continue to take care of me. I want this thought below to be the last thing read:

I have anxiety but I also have faith in God, I am NOT and WILL NOT blame God for the issues that I am dealing with in fact it's the opposite I thank God that I have wonderful family, friends, and Him to lead me and to guide me and come along side me. Bad things will happen regardless BUT God will take the bad and make them better.

The Reality of Blind Faith

   Recently in the past few months my husband and I took an endeavor and stepped out in blind faith trusting that the Lord would guide us, we could feel stirring within ourselves that God had a new place, a new heartache, and a new cross to carry. So we with our eyes blind to the future took that step and stepped down from our ministry positions, my husband no longer leading worship, and me no longer in a position to socialize and pour into children and teens and families lives. It was so hard to take that step, we contemplated it for months, fast forward now and we are starting to see the fruit of what God had in store for us.

   I can't really go into detail yet on what exactly we are starting on the path to, the only thing I can say is it starts with an OH and ends with IO. (inside state joke). Through the past few months we struggled with where will the loss in finances come from only to find during the hardest times of the months opening the mail to a random check from a bill over paid months previously, or someone who just felt the Lord prompting them to bless us. We had a vacation we had to cancel only to have it replaced with one that was fully paid and we were well taken care of and spoiled, to me being unsure with this upcoming year of any work I may be able to get before our big move only to a week before school starting getting blessed to continue the job that I loved so dearly the year previously.

   It has amazed my husband and I at how much God is willing to pour out to us when we simply step out in faith. When we step out on the water and we focus on Him, not looking at the storms ahead, not focused on the waves coming to take us under but to just focus on that bright and shining love and compassion filled open arms. God wants to bless you, He doesn't want His people to struggle, however He also has said that we as followers of Christ would face hardships, but one thing He made clear is we NEVER have to face them alone. I am praying for all of you who read this, all of you who share this, whom ever it reaches that you simply pray that God helps you in releasing control and stepping in faith blindly.