Husband Hints

I mostly write for wives, mothers and ladies, but this time its for the men. I know you all for the most part work very hard, and strive to offer a safe and loving environment. To be honest that's all we can ask for as wives is give us a safe home, and a loving one, and lead our family. However sometimes for wives we start to feel like the maid, the chef, the nanny, and the zoo keeper. Here are some helpful tips for you husbands and for you wives to help with preventing those feelings. My husband and I have worked really hard over the first year of our marriage (august 15th marks our year mark) to keep us from falling into society's rut in marriage.

1. Date Nights: Date nights out seem pretty obvious but there's one part to this rule that hasn't been upheld by society, PUT THE PHONES AWAY. Stop texting, checking facebook, no worries someone posted an animal meme, a music video and some quotes, and someone is complaining about life, it will all be there after your date is over. Take the time to enjoy each other. If you wanna take a pic fine but take the pic and put the phone away there's no need to post it in the moment. 
2. Date Night In: Having a date night doesn't necessarily mean  you need to go out, once every 2 weeks my husband and I have date night in where we make homemade pizza (dough and all) and watch a movie, we like to see who can make the better shaped pizza and its fun to mix all the toppings and come up with new varieties. (we also work together to clean up) 
3. Breakfast Duo: We take 1 day a week when we both have not much going on, and we split the duties of breakfast, he makes the chocolate chip pancakes, and I make the bacon or eggs (sometimes both) We joke that marriage counseling should consist of working in a small kitchen sharing 1 spatula. We were going to get an extra one but found that working as a team with our timing was kind of fun so we share a spatula (I know your probably thinking give it a couple years, and we will.) 
4. Compromise: My husband currently is loving watching the Masters Golf Tournament, He watches the golf tournament and I keep myself preoccupied or watch it with him (which adds humor) and afterwards or before he does something that I genuinely like such as (shopping, having tea and coffee together, starbucks date) It took us a couple months into marriage to figure this one out but if you give him the time to unwind from work, he'll give you the time to fill your love tank. (shout out to The 5 love languages book for that term) 
5. Grow together: Take up a class together, or get a book and turn the tv off and put the phones away and just enjoy learning and expanding your horizon as a married couple and individually. One major problem that has come up with couples and divorce is they say they "grew apart" that's because we as a married couple need to take the time to grow together, to offer things to satisfy our learning brains and make memories and adventures that draw us together. How do people often become best friends? They make memories that only them two have that draws them closer so make more memories!!
6. Pray together: This is last because if anything should stick in your brain this is the big one, My husband and I were given advice by his aunt (shout out Mar) and it was "ALWAYS pray in the MORNING and at NIGHT together" when you pray over your marriage and keep God the center of your marriage, your putting that protective seal over it, so that when the torpedos come to blast your marriage they bounce off. On top of that marriage is a promise made before God unifying two people by God. So God should be the center of your marriage anyway. 

***I hope this helps, if you have any tips that you don't see on this list comment them below after all we all could offer something to each other!!! 

The Season to Break Depression

Winter and Fall are known to be the more depressing seasons of the year, its dark dreary, cold and gray and it also brings holidays for some people who don't have family or friends to celebrate with. Now its starting to get sunny, flowers are sprouting, and you can see the animals out and running. Sitting out on my patio watching my beagle pup of a baby run around chasing sticks and looking at the wonderment that is known as God's creation I can't help but sit here and feel blessed and at the same time heart broken for those who don't get to see the view I see or who have gone down a slippery slope of an obis where the only thing they see is darkness.

We often times don't realize the amount of impact we have on ourselves, and the multitude of an impact that can bring to our marriage. When my husband and I first got married it was sunny and gorgeous the pool was still fun to swim in as it was still hot outside, but as the cool months came so did a wave of depression and anxiety that I thought was never going to leave or end. I thought of my nephew and how when I was home before we were married would come and we would have cuddle movie days in, in footie pajamas and homemade yummy treats coloring or painting. Now married, I was left with an empty apartment dark and gray, and just the company of a sweet little pup... but still no companion, no adventure of building forts, no child to bring me laughter. From my homesickness and adjustment to marriage I started to feel bad for myself, I wallowed, I wanted someone, anyone to reach out and socialize with me. My husband did wonderful he was always looking for ways to take me out but it didn't fill my socializing void or obis.

Finally the sun came out, the flowers sprouted and the kids were our riding bikes, playing basketball you can hear the clanging of the basketball hit the pavement even now as I type, it's a wonderful thing the sounds of summer around the corner and spring here for the moment.  Who would have thought that the sun would have such a great deal in our way of life and our way to get through the hard times. In that same token how could we not realize how big of a deal the sun plays to our every day life. The warmth it gives, the brightness that makes you feel like the best is yet to come on the horizon. In that same way, that's how God can make you feel, when you are close to God you feel that warmth, that celebration of love and renewing, a new start, when your distant from God, when your not pursuing God you can feel that winter upon your soul, the emptiness the void that seems to be so large and growing, and yet everywhere you go its just not quite what you are needing.

This Easter season that is approaching us next week take the time to really hone in on God and understand the Son that He offers to you, the renewing that He wants you to receive, the fresh air the ability to breathe and start new. If you haven't already consider accepting Him into your life, make the change that could save you.

It's the Morning!

A few posts back I had made the mention of Joy coming with the morning, and how I was wondering where that morning had gone. I am happy to say it's that morning. My husband and I have gone through many obstacles it seems as though for us 2016 started out as one of the roughest years for us, however it also started as one of the most trying and bonding times. While it would have been lovely to continue as newlyweds with our "heads in the clouds" I am appreciative that we had the hurtles to jump, and the race to run together. Today my husband and I turned a page in our journey, today we opened the curtains let the sun shine in and face the day with a smile and heart dependent on God and what His will for us is.

I try not to judge anyone and I try not to judge those with differing beliefs but sitting here in amazement at the things God pulled us through some moments even having to carry the both of us through, I wonder how people who don't believe in a God survives, I wonder how a marriage flourishes to the full capacity that it can be. Then I face the reality, a lot of marriages don't survive, a lot of marriages never reach that flourishing potential, a lot of marriages end in divorce, broken homes, unhealthy vices, and hurt feelings. I am not saying my husband and I are perfect, we are imperfectly perfect through God. What I am saying as a newlywed to those married forever and ever or those married just a short time or those thinking about marriage is, you need your faith, you need to have that sustaining power of knowing the hard times are coming or the hard times are here and their going to be gone eventually. Just like someone would take shelter in a basement during a tornado, we must take shelter in our marriage and in our relationships in God.

With this morning, and with the joy that God has restored to us, my husband and I this past weekend took the necessary precautions to safe guard our spiritual well being, and also our marriage's well being, along with our ministry's well being. We supported a local christian book store (we highly recommend doing so, even though the internet may have more to offer its still important to support local businesses) and stocked up on books to last us these next few weeks educating ourselves on our weaknesses, our strengths, and our goals as a married couple and as people individually and together in ministry.

Whether you have gone to college or not, always educate yourself, no one can take the knowledge your receiving away from you, they can take books, tv, internet even but they can't take away your knowledge.

**My point is this, we have joy again and we are sustained in Christ. We pray for those who read this blog, that you find yourself sustained in Christ as well.

Care for Each Other

Taking care of each other in marriage is a no brainer, or at least that's what we all think. However, sometimes even in a new beginning as newlyweds we forget to take care of each other. When I say take care of each other I just don't mean the normal needs a couple faces, I'm not just talking about cooking or cleaning or working (whomever does it in the marriage). I am talking about each other's marriage itself. Follow me if you will below:

Your marriage is a plant, what are common needs a plant has?

• Water (Kisses, Hugs and all that stuff married couples should be doing) 
• Sunlight (Warmth, love attention) 
• Soil (A firm grounding to build upon aka Your Faith)
• Pot for the Plant to sit in (A home, not a house...there is a difference)

Taking all these things into consideration, are you and your spouse fulfilling all those needs, so your marriage can grow in new and unexpected ways? It's no secret by now I cling to my faith like a baby clings to their mother or favorite blanket. What does my faith have to say about my marriage and the role I have in it? It tells me many things, Some that stand out to me right now in this moment is Proverbs 31, I know many people who have read it, but let's look at it carefully in a marriage perspective, in a wife perspective: (scripture copy and pasted from Bible Gateway) 

31 The sayings of King Lemuel—an inspired utterance his mother taught him.

2 Listen, my son! Listen, son of my womb!
    Listen, my son, the answer to my prayers!
3 Do not spend your strength[a] on women,
    your vigor on those who ruin kings.

4 It is not for kings, Lemuel—
    it is not for kings to drink wine,
    not for rulers to crave beer,
5 lest they drink and forget what has been decreed,
    and deprive all the oppressed of their rights.
6 Let beer be for those who are perishing,
    wine for those who are in anguish!
7 Let them drink and forget their poverty
    and remember their misery no more.

8 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
    for the rights of all who are destitute.
9 Speak up and judge fairly;
    defend the rights of the poor and needy.

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

The Break Down of what I am trying to show you: 

     When we read this scripture we normally hear all about how this woman, this wife, this "ideal wife" that the mother has taught the King about is someone who sacrifices, who does all and anything she can to not only care for her family but her husband and for those who are poor and in need. No where do we read how she is to be vain or how she is supposed to take care of herself first, she even puts her workers before herself. We as wives we need to put our husbands and our families and the people we come into contact with first. 

How does this apply to my plant theory? Well its like this If we don't take the time, to love and care and grow in our faith with our husbands and for our husbands, then ultimately we cannot expect our husbands to do the same for us. We should do things cause we want to and because we love to do it without expectation but unfortunately our human side is to look out for ourselves before we look out for each other, or when we do look out for someone we expect something in return whether you realize it or not when you do something nice you expect "thank you" or something nice in return. That's NOT how marriage works. You have to do things for the other person because you love and care for them. 

***I know this was a long post, longer than usual, and I know I have been doing this lately but it's important to me to share my faith and not just share it and expect someone to know what I am talking about (hence the entire scripture being put in here). 

************My point is this, take care of your significant other, take care of the ones you love, and as a married couple take care of your marriage, help it grow, help it reach the sky and go beyond it. Your marriage can't become the romantic ideas of marriage on its own like a magic fairy comes down and blesses you with it, you both are going to have to let go of comfortable and put on the working boots and get in the mud in order to achieve the romantic marriage you guys so hope and dream to have.