Guess Who's Back.... ME!!!

      It's been a while I know, and I would apologize only I'm not sorry that I took a good break to focus on my new role as a mom. I could have done what the people in my shoes seem to do and blog the entire journey but to be honest that wouldn't be me. While I like to keep people in the loop with my family and what's going on, I wanted to have an organic experience as a mom. I didn't want to worry about getting enough activities in for the day so I have some epic blog post to write. I wanted to worry about whether we watched elmo or curious george in the morning. (I'm not kidding you gotta feel how the morning is going on that one. Like did I get enough sleep to tolerate Elmo's voice?)
     Anyways, I am back and I am here and I have fun recipes, stories, and uplifting messages that I have been storing up in a journal waiting for when I would feel the time is right for me to return. I think that time is now and I am so thrilled and excited to be back. My daughter will be 10 months old tomorrow and I am just shocked at how fast time really has flown by. Labor was intense I will share more on that in another post, postpartum wasn't as terrible as I was expecting it to be, and breastfeeding was far from what it was cracked up to be.
      My biggest reason for posting is not just to say "I am back" but also to say "I got some things to share." Before you ask or assume- NO I AM NOT PREGNANT! It seems when you have a baby or just get married and you say "I have something to say" the first reaction is pregnancy.
      Since having my daughter and working with her next to me (yep, she went to school with me every day while I taught part time and yes it was a blessing and no I do not hope to do it again this year. Mama needs time to feel like an adult without someone meshed to her hip) I came home from school on the last day and sat. I just sat and thought about how the year had gone, comparing how I as a teacher had failures and short comings and how I was successful, what I want to implement next year, and what I want to remove from the program next year (for the most part what most teachers usually do).
     However, there was one thought that stood out to me "In the year of teaching with a baby I don't believe I have challenged myself mentally, spiritually, or even physically." This stuck out to me. So what do you do? Well, if your me, you jump in full throttle planning how to get back to challenging yourself while also being a dedicated stay at home mother and wife. Just because I am at home doesn't mean my brain needs to only have interaction with Elmo on the tv or a babbling adorable baby. So I sat down and prioritized where and how the rankings of those three things rated to me and I came up with a plan to counteract where I felt I had shortcomings. This was not easy and I certainly am not perfect or have "Fixed" everything yet.
    You can expect these next few posts for me to talk about how I am challenging myself in each of those three aspects of life, How I am balancing a one income home with a very crazy spunky infant, and where did my little Darby fit in the mix of all of this. I will end this lengthy post with the way I prioritized it. I won't give my solutions though because to be honest this post would turn into a book trying to cover it all. So check back and I look forward to sharing as I go.

1. Spiritual Life
2. Mental health/strength
3. Physical health/strength 

Understanding Anxiety

So after a recent (this morning) phone call with my dad I realized that for the first time it was ok to talk about having anxiety. We were simply talking about how the kids were doing and how everything was going up at my house (I live a state away) and then I went into the conversation of having a week for once where my anxiety doesn't overwelm me. That's when it hit me I need to talk about my anxiety because talking about my anxiety allowed me to feel some pressure within me release. So here it is my relieving pressure and being even more honest about the anxiety that I feel and go through.

I never really knew what anxiety was, I never really had anxiety issues growing up that I am aware of, it didn't start till after I got married I was about 3 months into our marriage and I started waking in the middle of the night unable to breathe (but breathing), my chest was tight like someone had put tons of rubber bands around it waiting for me to explode like a watermelon, I'd be sweaty but cold, and couldn't get back to reality for a minute, my head would spin in all sorts of natural disasters that could occur and what would happen to my family, what would happen, to my husband, what would happen to me. That was the first of what I would soon learn to be many. It started happening once a week then it went to having them almost every single night, to the point that when bed time came anxiety would occur over what would happen when I went to bed (I know double whammy).

I being a very religous person through all of it prayed, and prayed unceasing, my husband if woken would pray with me till I fell back asleep. Every morning when he gets up to leave for work at 430 in the morning he prays for me in hopes that I go without any anxiety. I firmly believe that anxiety is a mental illness but if caught in time can be relieved with natural remedies and I know that my God can deliver me from anything. Some would say that having anxiety and what not is just a spiritual attack on my peace which to some extent I would agree however anxiety is also something that many people within my family have had to deal with some with medication others with natural remedies. One thing I think we sometimes get wrong in the mental illness field is that because the illness isn't physical doesn't mean it's automatically spiritual. You wouldn't look at someone with cancer and tell them to forget the doctors and the meds and treatments because its all spiritual you just have to "pray harder" you'd expect them to take the doctors help because after all God created them to.

Then something broke within, my sister moved in and I started to feel a purpose other than myself, I was able to not just solely focus on myself and my husband and somehow having one family member made all the difference it was a grounding seeing her ok, let me feel like my family is ok. I still had anxiety but instead of it being every night and sometimes twice in one night I started to only have anxiety two or three times a week. Then she went home and at first I was still ok but it didn't take long for the anxiety to come back harder and stronger.

Now my sweet nephew is here and my sister is back visiting for a little while and it made the world of difference. So far I have had 1 anxiety attack this week and for me this is good, it only lasted 15 minutes and that is a grand difference to 2 attacks each lasting about an hour before.

So I guess with that being said please be mindful of the people around you, if you notice someone is off, if you see that someone is withdrawn consider the setting they are in, consider what is going on with them, consider that the person you think you know or the person that is a stranger on the street may have something more going on.

As for what I do with my anxiety when I have them:

• First thing I do is point out: 5 Things I see, 4 things I can touch, 3 things I can taste, 2 things I can smell, and 1 thing I can think of that is off topic from what I am having anxiety about
• Once I have gotten some grounding and a break in my mind I pray, and I pray unceasing till I am calm
• Then I go to the bathroom and wash my face with nice cold water to really bring myself back to earth if you will. 
• One piece of scripture I found once after an anxiety attack in my devotions that the Lord really gave me and I have held onto ever since was "Though I fear, I trust in the Lord." and I repeat this over myself whenever I start to feeling a slight amount of anxiety coming on and sometimes it works to stop the anxiety attack to ever come to flourish. 

I hope my honesty helps, and I hope that it is received well. 

Husband Hints

I mostly write for wives, mothers and ladies, but this time its for the men. I know you all for the most part work very hard, and strive to offer a safe and loving environment. To be honest that's all we can ask for as wives is give us a safe home, and a loving one, and lead our family. However sometimes for wives we start to feel like the maid, the chef, the nanny, and the zoo keeper. Here are some helpful tips for you husbands and for you wives to help with preventing those feelings. My husband and I have worked really hard over the first year of our marriage (august 15th marks our year mark) to keep us from falling into society's rut in marriage.

1. Date Nights: Date nights out seem pretty obvious but there's one part to this rule that hasn't been upheld by society, PUT THE PHONES AWAY. Stop texting, checking facebook, no worries someone posted an animal meme, a music video and some quotes, and someone is complaining about life, it will all be there after your date is over. Take the time to enjoy each other. If you wanna take a pic fine but take the pic and put the phone away there's no need to post it in the moment. 
2. Date Night In: Having a date night doesn't necessarily mean  you need to go out, once every 2 weeks my husband and I have date night in where we make homemade pizza (dough and all) and watch a movie, we like to see who can make the better shaped pizza and its fun to mix all the toppings and come up with new varieties. (we also work together to clean up) 
3. Breakfast Duo: We take 1 day a week when we both have not much going on, and we split the duties of breakfast, he makes the chocolate chip pancakes, and I make the bacon or eggs (sometimes both) We joke that marriage counseling should consist of working in a small kitchen sharing 1 spatula. We were going to get an extra one but found that working as a team with our timing was kind of fun so we share a spatula (I know your probably thinking give it a couple years, and we will.) 
4. Compromise: My husband currently is loving watching the Masters Golf Tournament, He watches the golf tournament and I keep myself preoccupied or watch it with him (which adds humor) and afterwards or before he does something that I genuinely like such as (shopping, having tea and coffee together, starbucks date) It took us a couple months into marriage to figure this one out but if you give him the time to unwind from work, he'll give you the time to fill your love tank. (shout out to The 5 love languages book for that term) 
5. Grow together: Take up a class together, or get a book and turn the tv off and put the phones away and just enjoy learning and expanding your horizon as a married couple and individually. One major problem that has come up with couples and divorce is they say they "grew apart" that's because we as a married couple need to take the time to grow together, to offer things to satisfy our learning brains and make memories and adventures that draw us together. How do people often become best friends? They make memories that only them two have that draws them closer so make more memories!!
6. Pray together: This is last because if anything should stick in your brain this is the big one, My husband and I were given advice by his aunt (shout out Mar) and it was "ALWAYS pray in the MORNING and at NIGHT together" when you pray over your marriage and keep God the center of your marriage, your putting that protective seal over it, so that when the torpedos come to blast your marriage they bounce off. On top of that marriage is a promise made before God unifying two people by God. So God should be the center of your marriage anyway. 

***I hope this helps, if you have any tips that you don't see on this list comment them below after all we all could offer something to each other!!! 

Care for Each Other

Taking care of each other in marriage is a no brainer, or at least that's what we all think. However, sometimes even in a new beginning as newlyweds we forget to take care of each other. When I say take care of each other I just don't mean the normal needs a couple faces, I'm not just talking about cooking or cleaning or working (whomever does it in the marriage). I am talking about each other's marriage itself. Follow me if you will below:

Your marriage is a plant, what are common needs a plant has?

• Water (Kisses, Hugs and all that stuff married couples should be doing) 
• Sunlight (Warmth, love attention) 
• Soil (A firm grounding to build upon aka Your Faith)
• Pot for the Plant to sit in (A home, not a house...there is a difference)

Taking all these things into consideration, are you and your spouse fulfilling all those needs, so your marriage can grow in new and unexpected ways? It's no secret by now I cling to my faith like a baby clings to their mother or favorite blanket. What does my faith have to say about my marriage and the role I have in it? It tells me many things, Some that stand out to me right now in this moment is Proverbs 31, I know many people who have read it, but let's look at it carefully in a marriage perspective, in a wife perspective: (scripture copy and pasted from Bible Gateway) 

31 The sayings of King Lemuel—an inspired utterance his mother taught him.

2 Listen, my son! Listen, son of my womb!
    Listen, my son, the answer to my prayers!
3 Do not spend your strength[a] on women,
    your vigor on those who ruin kings.

4 It is not for kings, Lemuel—
    it is not for kings to drink wine,
    not for rulers to crave beer,
5 lest they drink and forget what has been decreed,
    and deprive all the oppressed of their rights.
6 Let beer be for those who are perishing,
    wine for those who are in anguish!
7 Let them drink and forget their poverty
    and remember their misery no more.

8 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
    for the rights of all who are destitute.
9 Speak up and judge fairly;
    defend the rights of the poor and needy.

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

The Break Down of what I am trying to show you: 

     When we read this scripture we normally hear all about how this woman, this wife, this "ideal wife" that the mother has taught the King about is someone who sacrifices, who does all and anything she can to not only care for her family but her husband and for those who are poor and in need. No where do we read how she is to be vain or how she is supposed to take care of herself first, she even puts her workers before herself. We as wives we need to put our husbands and our families and the people we come into contact with first. 

How does this apply to my plant theory? Well its like this If we don't take the time, to love and care and grow in our faith with our husbands and for our husbands, then ultimately we cannot expect our husbands to do the same for us. We should do things cause we want to and because we love to do it without expectation but unfortunately our human side is to look out for ourselves before we look out for each other, or when we do look out for someone we expect something in return whether you realize it or not when you do something nice you expect "thank you" or something nice in return. That's NOT how marriage works. You have to do things for the other person because you love and care for them. 

***I know this was a long post, longer than usual, and I know I have been doing this lately but it's important to me to share my faith and not just share it and expect someone to know what I am talking about (hence the entire scripture being put in here). 

************My point is this, take care of your significant other, take care of the ones you love, and as a married couple take care of your marriage, help it grow, help it reach the sky and go beyond it. Your marriage can't become the romantic ideas of marriage on its own like a magic fairy comes down and blesses you with it, you both are going to have to let go of comfortable and put on the working boots and get in the mud in order to achieve the romantic marriage you guys so hope and dream to have.