So after a recent (this morning) phone call with my dad I realized that for the first time it was ok to talk about having anxiety. We were simply talking about how the kids were doing and how everything was going up at my house (I live a state away) and then I went into the conversation of having a week for once where my anxiety doesn't overwelm me. That's when it hit me I need to talk about my anxiety because talking about my anxiety allowed me to feel some pressure within me release. So here it is my relieving pressure and being even more honest about the anxiety that I feel and go through.
I never really knew what anxiety was, I never really had anxiety issues growing up that I am aware of, it didn't start till after I got married I was about 3 months into our marriage and I started waking in the middle of the night unable to breathe (but breathing), my chest was tight like someone had put tons of rubber bands around it waiting for me to explode like a watermelon, I'd be sweaty but cold, and couldn't get back to reality for a minute, my head would spin in all sorts of natural disasters that could occur and what would happen to my family, what would happen, to my husband, what would happen to me. That was the first of what I would soon learn to be many. It started happening once a week then it went to having them almost every single night, to the point that when bed time came anxiety would occur over what would happen when I went to bed (I know double whammy).
I being a very religous person through all of it prayed, and prayed unceasing, my husband if woken would pray with me till I fell back asleep. Every morning when he gets up to leave for work at 430 in the morning he prays for me in hopes that I go without any anxiety. I firmly believe that anxiety is a mental illness but if caught in time can be relieved with natural remedies and I know that my God can deliver me from anything. Some would say that having anxiety and what not is just a spiritual attack on my peace which to some extent I would agree however anxiety is also something that many people within my family have had to deal with some with medication others with natural remedies. One thing I think we sometimes get wrong in the mental illness field is that because the illness isn't physical doesn't mean it's automatically spiritual. You wouldn't look at someone with cancer and tell them to forget the doctors and the meds and treatments because its all spiritual you just have to "pray harder" you'd expect them to take the doctors help because after all God created them to.
Then something broke within, my sister moved in and I started to feel a purpose other than myself, I was able to not just solely focus on myself and my husband and somehow having one family member made all the difference it was a grounding seeing her ok, let me feel like my family is ok. I still had anxiety but instead of it being every night and sometimes twice in one night I started to only have anxiety two or three times a week. Then she went home and at first I was still ok but it didn't take long for the anxiety to come back harder and stronger.
Now my sweet nephew is here and my sister is back visiting for a little while and it made the world of difference. So far I have had 1 anxiety attack this week and for me this is good, it only lasted 15 minutes and that is a grand difference to 2 attacks each lasting about an hour before.
So I guess with that being said please be mindful of the people around you, if you notice someone is off, if you see that someone is withdrawn consider the setting they are in, consider what is going on with them, consider that the person you think you know or the person that is a stranger on the street may have something more going on.
As for what I do with my anxiety when I have them:
- First thing I do is point out: 5 Things I see, 4 things I can touch, 3 things I can taste, 2 things I can smell, and 1 thing I can think of that is off topic from what I am having anxiety about
- Once I have gotten some grounding and a break in my mind I pray, and I pray unceasing till I am calm
- Then I go to the bathroom and wash my face with nice cold water to really bring myself back to earth if you will.
- One piece of scripture I found once after an anxiety attack in my devotions that the Lord really gave me and I have held onto ever since was "Though I fear, I trust in the Lord." and I repeat this over myself whenever I start to feeling a slight amount of anxiety coming on and sometimes it works to stop the anxiety attack to ever come to flourish.
I hope my honesty helps, and I hope that it is received well.
