Where two or more are gathered.

I normally don't talk about disagreements on here, I keep this an uplifting blog, but if I am going to write to you all about my life and about my marriage and give personal advice, then I also need to honest on the hard stuff to. As many have read on here by now, I am a christian, and I whole heartedly strive to do everything that honors God. One thing that I take very seriously in that aspect is my marriage needs to also be striving to serve God and make sure there is room for Him to be the center of our marriage.

Last night there was a disagreement, nothing crazy, but it was a disagreement and rather than going to bed, going on opposite sides or one of us leaving the room, we talked it out, and I mean all of it out. We worked it all out till 1 a.m. Is that crazy? No. Why not wait till the morning? Because when you go to bed with that on your head and seeping into your heart you cause a wall to begin it's building. Then you get up in the morning both extremely angry that you didn't get a peaceful night's sleep and you go about your morning with that anger on your heart so another brick get's added, by the time the conversation is able to happen the bricks have reached a new high.

One thing that my husband and I were told when we got married was to "Always pray every morning and every night together" by his Aunt (shout out aunt marbeth) and so when we got married and got settled in our apartment on 4 chalkboards we wrote our rules to marriage to hang above our bed to keep as a reminder and that was one of them. Below is a list of all of them. You see I don't think its coincidence that in the Bible it is stated "Where TWO or more are gathered I am there." In a marriage there is 2 people. When a couple prays in agreeance there is power and meaning there.

I've had the question posed to me multiple times "Is it really important to get married to someone who is equally yoked?" My answer "Absolutley" and I know some people say 'Well they could get saved from living with me and seeing me and how God is blessing me.' My answer is this, if that is the case from dating you, getting to know you, growing a friendship with you, if they haven't seen God and how amazing He is and accepted the Lord then most likely they aren't going to or at least they won't because of watching you. When you marry someone who doesn't carry the faith you have, who doesn't believe in the power of prayer your losing the reason to marriage. Marriage is a promise you make to serve God all the days of your life, its a merging of not just two people but two callings to coincide together. When things get tough and your praying for ultimate healing or for God's hand in a situation you need your spouse to be able to come along side you in agreeance and pray with you. You don't want someone looking at you and saying "Why are you praying? There is no God" or "Keep your God to yourself."

I've listened to couples who are married, who are simply dating, who are living together and one being a christian and one not, and its very alarming to watch. Your spouse is to keep you accountable, if your spouse doesn't hold to your faith, to your standards of living, to your beliefs then already your spouse has failed one of their greater tasks.

I could go on typing about this forever but I know by now I probably some readers, but if your still reading know this is something I pray about consistently and if your a prayer warrior I ask you pray it to. Marriage is a sacred thing and lately marriage has been thrown down in the mud and it's meaning has been devalued. Let's pray that God intercedes in these marriages and we see a fruitful tree of marriage again instead of a dry cracked dessert of unbelievers.

Btw: The five rules we live by

1. Never go to bed angry
2. Always pray morning and night together
3. Never yell at each other unless there is a fire
4. Sometimes marriage is a give and take
5. Always kiss me goodnight and good morning

Bringing a Spare Bedroom to life

So earlier in my blog I had blogged about redoing your house one small step at a time and just commit each week to do something to update your home that way it doesn't break the bank and step by step you start to get the house you've always wanted. Well over this past month I have to be honest it came out to be harder than expected with inheriting a teen and homeschooling and accepting a new job, Oh yes I accepted a new job and I love it but that's for another day.

We renovated our spare bedroom about 2 weeks ago which wasn't necessarily top on the priority list but it made it's way to top when we found we had a teen moving in (we couldn't have a teen move into a brown panelled room with small thumb tac holes all over) so we painted added new curtains, some small (and cheap) decor to make it look like the kind of bedrooms teens dream about. My husband being the amazing husband he is painted the weekend I was visiting home, and my mother in law hung the decor where I had left sticky notes to signify while I was gone. When we walked in it was absolutely stunning!!! (pictures below)

Where we got everything:
Bedding: Kohl's twin size set I used 15% off, plus it was already 50% off : $30 total
Curtains: Set of 2 at Christmas Tree Shop: $7.99 total
Curtain rods: 1 Large, and 1 small: Christmas tree shop: $15 total
Lighted Branches: Walmart, 50% off in the christmas decor left over section $4
Vase for Branches: Christmas Tree Shop: $6
Wall Hooks: Kohl's I used 15% off and it was 50% off: $7
Paint: 1 Gallon at Home Depot: $38

Total: $107.99
Why am I sharing this: To prove you can do an amazing room over with the stuff you have and with a little extra cash, when it came to decor we priced and compared to many locations and we also went through some of the decor that we already had sitting around the house to make the room look very fun and more like a home environment. Honestly though you don't have to spend much to make a room over, just a coat of paint can take a room you've dreaded seeing everyday and make it a room you never want to leave!

*** I will be posting our dinning room turned office/homeschool center/ lady cave so keep your eyes peeled.

Mother's Day for the childless

Mother's Day is coming up, all you moms who birthed children that is amazing and you deserve to be celebrated, but there are some ladies who also deserve to be celebrated even though they didn't accomplish what you accomplished. The childless by force. Some women have the heavy heart on Mother's Day of knowing they are unable to have children, or who are going to the ends of the Earth to try and either have a child or adopt a child because they want to experience the joy of being a mother.

Please husbands, boyfriends, family members and yes ladies to, keep in mind this Mother's Day and any other Mother's day that for some its a yearly reminder of something they may never get the chance to experience. Never get the chance to have the embrace of their child, or to receive the love from their child. I say their child because whether we the ones who deal with infertility get to have a child or not we have one we love in our hearts one that we dream of being able to care for and watch grow and guide through life.

Mother's Day has never been a joyous holiday for me or magnitudes of reasons but especially this year its trying, to finally be married and to be on the journey with God and my husband trying to get my body to cooperate to have at least 1 child (although not to sound stingy I would gladly take more than 1). Mother's Day reminds me of the things I may never become, of the things that I may never partake in, and of the things that I wish I was.

If you know someone or are married to someone who struggles with infertility here's some tips on how to help them feel included and celebrated:

1. Tell them Happy Mother's Day, I know you may think that, that may sound insensitive considering but they deserve to feel a part of everything going on
2. Pray for them/Pray with them: Acknowledge their struggle and acknowledge what their heart longs for and pray for them but also pray with them so they can see and feel the community surrounding them. Dealing with Infertility can cause many women to feel alone because they don't know who they can talk to about the struggles they are having
3. Don't use cliches: The worst thing for someone like me who deals with infertility is to hear the usual round of cliches "Just relax it will happen when it's meant to happen." "Maybe your just not meant to be a mom right now" "God knows the desires of your heart" "You must not be praying hard enough" "Your thinking to much about it" All of these are THE WORST responses to hear, Yes God knows my heart, Yes I pray alot about it, Yes I do think about it, but NO YOU DO NOT GET TO SAY THESE THINGS, why? Because until you know the struggles and until you have gone through the heartache of being childless you have no right to
4. Offer Encouragement: Offer a book of encouragement (it doesn't have to be about infertility just a book about healing, strength, God's love is plenty), or offer to meet for coffee or tea after one of their appointments or even before for prayer and peace of mind, for some who have to go to these appointments alone, offer to sit in the waiting room or to drive them to give them that feeling of community and support.
5. Recognize them: This sounds simple and you may already think that you do that, but recognize them and ask them how their dealing with their health, and how their feeling and GENUINELY listen, don't try to compare what they are going through with your friend's friend's sister's aunt, just listen and offer comfort. 

As for the mommy's out there Happy Mother's day you do deserve to be celebrated and you deserve to be spoiled by your loved ones your job is hard and no one can do it but you! 

It's the Morning

A while I ago I questioned God on where the hope in the morning was going to come from, when it was going to come, and when was my morning going to finally arrive. I can say happily and joyfully that over the hard time I had gone through I finally have reached that morning.

Recently my husband and I have been blessed with temparary guardianship of my teenage sister, not because she's bad, not because my parents can't handle her, but because she was getting put down day in and day out by the school she was in and because of the high volume of students the teachers weren't able to offer her the personalized education that she needed, and being amazing selfless parents that she has they offered her a new hope, a new beginning, and her being the butterfly finding her wings that she is she grasped it and clutched it tight with her hands. She at such a young age moved out of state to her sister and brother in laws house to be a part of a family she never quite was involved with and start a new. Most kids you would think would cry alot, or be angry, or play the self pitty cards that have been dealt but not her, she made them her muscle and she used them to get stronger and better.

While all of this was going on my husband and I had been getting ready to become foster parents, we had a teenager a while back but things didn't end very well and we had unhealed wounds from it, over time God healed those wounds but they still left some scarring. Right when we had finished our foster care classes, we received a call one afternoon it was my dad asking if we would be willing to take in my sister, and of course we couldn't object.

Through all of this we learned that though we go through storms, God makes those storms into a rainbow, He turns what was meant to harm us or hurt us into something that strenghtens us and gives us a purpose. I hate to be cliche but it really is true he takes the test and makes it a testimony. Now we have a lovely 14 year old who loves the adventures that God has placed before her and is taking each opportunity to the fullest capacity.

Please keep us in prayer as we continue on this journey that God has blessed us with and for our sweet little family addition even if it is temporary :)

Home

If you ask a child what home is you could get diverse answers, possibly the place they live, or where they go to sleep, or where their family lives. If you ask a teen what home means pending on the child you could get prison, the place you can't wait to leave, maybe the city or address. As we got older though home and it's meaning can tend to change, my home is my husband and wherever he is,  my home is my nephew and his smile and laughter, my home is my connection with God and that safety and protection from all that surrounds me. 

My home, isn't a house, it isn't a room or a certain group of things. 

My home is where I feel love, acceptance, safety. 

Take the time today to really think about what is your home? 

Running Circles: Reminding yourself of your purpose

I'm sure we've had those days sometimes even weeks where we just feel like we are running circles and getting nothing done. Today is one of those days. The fact that I am even able to sit down and type this post is amazing me as I do it. Part of it is getting done on adrenaline and the other part of it is getting done because I am taking a lunch break. So bare with me if it seems a little different than usual.

In the past week I have had more things piled onto me than I think the laundry basket has had clothes piled on it (and trust me that can be alot). Though this morning I woke up with scary news (only later to find God's healing in a scary situation) and had multitudes of people of vast differences calling me and texting me wanting to know answers, wanting to dump information on me, wanting to vent, wanting counseling, and yet here I am with my almost 1 year old beagle who won't stop chewing all her toys to shreds looking at me almost as if to say "Mom, your kind of scaring me."

Sometimes we go through these days and weeks and we wonder, "Am I even doing anything?" "Do they even care?" "If I disappeared would anyone notice?"

Today, I get it.

One thing that we have to remind ourselves in those moments is what God sees in us, that God would notice every single detail of us from a scratch on our hands thanks to a beagle who is behind on grooming, to a crazy hair out of place thanks to a chaotic morning. God notices and sees all of it, and He is there through it with us in the trenches running the circles with us, consider him the coach yelling "You got this." "Keep going your doing so well!" "I am so proud of you."

How do we remind ourselves of this? What are some safetys we can put in our path to remind us? Below I have some suggestions:

1.  Worship Music: I have a speaker with an ipod in my kitchen which is open to most of my house, I have it all set with TONS of worship music that all I have to do is hit play and my house is being flooded with worship music
2. Scripture of the house: We have a gorgeous turquise blue chalboard at the entrance of our home and next to the bathroom that states "Faith The Size of a Mustard Seed can move mountains." this is a scripture my husband and I have applied to our relationship, and things that have come our way many times so we felt it was the best scripture to keep as the "Motto" of our house. By seeing it in such a central location it is ingrained in our minds and our hearts. 
3. Scripture Everywhere: I am not obnoxious but I am obvious on the fridge we have a bigger sized magnet that reads "Hope for things unseen", In our office/dinning room we have the "Marriage Prayer" (lovely gift from someone that attended our wedding) In the bedroom above our bed we have 4 chalkboard with marriage advice from spiritual people in our lives. Having them everywhere helps us to keep the word of God central in our lives. 
4. Scripture Journals: I keep a journal with my Bible in my living room that I write the date, scriptures I've read with notes on how they stood out to me or the meanings I found within them, and worship songs that day that really helped me through the day, I also keep any notes of ministry videos I had watched and somethings that were said in them that stood out to me for instance the other morning I watching Joyce Meyer (one of my all time favorites) and I wrote the title of her message and the things she said that really I felt was a blessing to hear and a blessing to share
5.  I have a support system: I have friends though I don't see them all the time I know I can talk to and hear spiritually sound advice that will guide me through, moving out of town the hardest part was my entire safety net was gone, I didn't have Pastor Jamie on speed dial for a frappe run, I didn't have grammy in the living room to talk to, or Pappy to vent to and watch westerns, or my Aunt to make homemade hot cocoa and go shopping, or my nephew to love and cuddle and be distracted with. I lost all of it, most of them kept in contact but some of the people who were major parts of my safety net backed out completely I was out of sight and out of mind. That hurt's so it's important to be there for the friends who do stick around and come into your life so that you do have some sort of support! 

I am hoping this helped, and if you read the whole way through thank you so much! I know part of this was probably a little bit of a venting release, but I really pray that you walk with God in your journey and that you find peace within yourself and purpose within God. 

Husband Hints

I mostly write for wives, mothers and ladies, but this time its for the men. I know you all for the most part work very hard, and strive to offer a safe and loving environment. To be honest that's all we can ask for as wives is give us a safe home, and a loving one, and lead our family. However sometimes for wives we start to feel like the maid, the chef, the nanny, and the zoo keeper. Here are some helpful tips for you husbands and for you wives to help with preventing those feelings. My husband and I have worked really hard over the first year of our marriage (august 15th marks our year mark) to keep us from falling into society's rut in marriage.

1. Date Nights: Date nights out seem pretty obvious but there's one part to this rule that hasn't been upheld by society, PUT THE PHONES AWAY. Stop texting, checking facebook, no worries someone posted an animal meme, a music video and some quotes, and someone is complaining about life, it will all be there after your date is over. Take the time to enjoy each other. If you wanna take a pic fine but take the pic and put the phone away there's no need to post it in the moment. 
2. Date Night In: Having a date night doesn't necessarily mean  you need to go out, once every 2 weeks my husband and I have date night in where we make homemade pizza (dough and all) and watch a movie, we like to see who can make the better shaped pizza and its fun to mix all the toppings and come up with new varieties. (we also work together to clean up) 
3. Breakfast Duo: We take 1 day a week when we both have not much going on, and we split the duties of breakfast, he makes the chocolate chip pancakes, and I make the bacon or eggs (sometimes both) We joke that marriage counseling should consist of working in a small kitchen sharing 1 spatula. We were going to get an extra one but found that working as a team with our timing was kind of fun so we share a spatula (I know your probably thinking give it a couple years, and we will.) 
4. Compromise: My husband currently is loving watching the Masters Golf Tournament, He watches the golf tournament and I keep myself preoccupied or watch it with him (which adds humor) and afterwards or before he does something that I genuinely like such as (shopping, having tea and coffee together, starbucks date) It took us a couple months into marriage to figure this one out but if you give him the time to unwind from work, he'll give you the time to fill your love tank. (shout out to The 5 love languages book for that term) 
5. Grow together: Take up a class together, or get a book and turn the tv off and put the phones away and just enjoy learning and expanding your horizon as a married couple and individually. One major problem that has come up with couples and divorce is they say they "grew apart" that's because we as a married couple need to take the time to grow together, to offer things to satisfy our learning brains and make memories and adventures that draw us together. How do people often become best friends? They make memories that only them two have that draws them closer so make more memories!!
6. Pray together: This is last because if anything should stick in your brain this is the big one, My husband and I were given advice by his aunt (shout out Mar) and it was "ALWAYS pray in the MORNING and at NIGHT together" when you pray over your marriage and keep God the center of your marriage, your putting that protective seal over it, so that when the torpedos come to blast your marriage they bounce off. On top of that marriage is a promise made before God unifying two people by God. So God should be the center of your marriage anyway. 

***I hope this helps, if you have any tips that you don't see on this list comment them below after all we all could offer something to each other!!!