Mustard Seed of Faith

Hello,
I know it's been a while, what a crazy summer it's been! I owe so many recipes I can't even think straight!!! No worries, a yummy icecream one to be posted by tomorrow evening, I promise!!! Many blessings have been pouring out to my husband and I that it's almost hard to keep track of!! All of the thanks we owe to the Lord and those who are faithful to Him!

Recently I had an appointment (as recent as yesterday), a few months ago I did a couple of posts about my infertility and about dealing with and coping with PCOS. I talk openly about it to anyone who asks or who wants to know more information but I don't post about it to often partially because for me it's become so normal for me to have to deal with and then at times there are moments such as now that I have no way of really processing what is going on other than to type it out and see it in front of my face staring me back like one of those crazy reflections in those wavy fun house mirrors where it's you but it doesn't look like you. So as I have mentioned, this page is my open journal, my easy way of updating family and friends, and my way of letting people see what a normal life is like, which I think is so important with all the reality shows out there that don't seem to be so real.

My appointment wasn't bad in the sense of the doctor was horrible or the place was horrible, but hearing what I heard was not helpful. I was once again confirmed PCOS is the gift I will have for a lifetime, and to be honest I handled it like a champ in my opinion considering I've been dealing with this for years, however with new doctors they always want to be the one to diagnos a patient. Once it was confirmed we discusses how long my husband and I have been working towards having a child (1 year, basically since the day we were married, we knew it would be a long road ahead to children so we thought start sooner rather than later) it was explained to me that most women it takes 1 year for a pregnancy to occur, for women with pcos the chances of children are less, but as my doctor put it "not no chance, just not as much of a chance as a women with no pcos or fertility issues" (Lovely thank you for the new information on that one). She then proceeeded to tell me the plan of action we were going to take, and I have to say I am quite comfortable with the plan except for one little hiccup both tests that are detrimental to my treatment and fertility plan isn't covered by insurance, why? because it's not detrimental to my way of living so therefore it is deemed as not necessary by some higher up that sits in his or her office with all the things they could want who know nothing of me, they get to deem my husband and I wanting to love a child and care for a child and make sacrifices for another human being as not necessary to our lives.

Today in politics we have people voting for the "it's her choice" well shouldn't it be my choice then on if me having a child is detrimental to my well being? Shouldn't I get the final say as to whether or not fertility tests are detrimental? Shouldn't I get the easy freedom of walking into my doctor's office and having the proper tests that are needed without having to worry about where is the money going to come from?! We are so eager to give women the freedom to kill a child so she can have the life she wants, but what about the women who want a child but can't afford treatment for the life that she wants? Where is her justice?!!

I take this with heavy heart but I place it before the Lord, because I know only the Lord can bless us with a child, that ultimately when it comes down to it, The Lord knows the desires of my heart and He has that and better planned for me, I know that I need to keep quoting one of my favorite scriptures "Faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains" though I have worries and fears of what could come of my desires to be a mother, I hold tight to knowing "Fear not for I am with you." The Lord stands strong not only next to me but over me, and I claim the healing blood of Jesus over my infertility. What comes of it I will have to be okay with knowing that it is what God wants.

I guess this piece I've written isn't my best work,and I know it's a little scattered but ultimately what I am asking is that you pray for me, my husband and for this struggle and burden that we face, I want to also clarify, I trust in the Lord whole heartedly when it comes to the funds of these treatments and upon talking this through we are going to go through with the tests. I will keep you posted :)

**By tomorrow 8/19/16 I promise there will be a recipe posted!!!