Holiday Blindness

So the holidays are here, that time of year that people look forward to because it's the time of year when families old and young, far and close draw near to one another. Maybe not physically but they feel that closeness and that bond. Families gather in hopes of reminiscing on past memories and humorous stories, and there's always a somber loving warmth to that holiday together. Most generally we see people caring for strangers and being there for loved ones when any other time of the year they'd be forgotten. This year is no different in some instances.

However this year in some instances have changed....

I don't know how to write about this, I don't even know where to begin in all honesty. There's something to be said to be in your 20's feeling the world at your fingertips, feeling like you can go anywhere and do anything and there is nothing that can stop you, your young and your invincible. Then it happens... Life happens.... your flying high in the clouds and then a brick get's tied to your foot and pulls you down low in the valley. The brick you ask? Cancer. Not my cancer, not my husband having cancer, but a very close and important relative, I choose not to share the name or the relation because it's not relevant to what I am trying to express and it's not my story to share. I am the person on the outside looking in the window to this brick, I am the person who while flying high looks at the ground and sees the reality of what's going on all around. There is an amazingly scary thing that happens when a loved one has cancer, while hearing the news and processing it and living so close to it knocks the breath out of you single handedly it also draws a force stronger than a tornado, stronger than a hurricane and it's family.

The past few years in my life Christmas has had many scary moments, last year my grandfather in a nursing home one of my biggest nightmares come true, the year before my amazing sweet little cousin having multiple surgeries and the year before that even more. I can't begin to fathom the great devestation that my family has seen... That I have seen. Yet somehow each Christmas wasn't tainted, each Christmas came out with some loving memories, each Christmas I experienced a free gift but a gift that means the world and that's unconditional love. I know there are many people who don't have family that are close, or who have separated themselves from family in fear, or shame or hurt. I encourage you to look beyond it, see if there's a way of working through it with compassion and love and kindness, and most importantly grace. By now I am sure you have thought of someone close or distant that you care about, by now I am sure you have thought of a hurt relationship that you have dealt with and by now I am sure before I even finish typing this sentence that you have a perfect image of that person. My recommendation to you? Reach out. Pray without ceasing for the natural opportunity for wounds to be healed and relationships to be mended.

My last hope and prayer this holiday season is that you open your eyes to the disasters of this world, you open your eyes to the lost and the hungry and the hurting, to the lonely and to the ones who are full of everything but love. I pray that after New Year's day you don't forget about the homeless who still need jackets and food, and you don't forget about the animals who have no warmth or shelter, and you don't forget about the children living in poverty hoping for a bed of their own or a new pair of socks. I pray that you carry those hurts and burdens and until the day you take your last breath you do all that you can to help others. Christmas while a beautiful and fun season is not about gifts, or food, or parties, it's about a sweet innocent love for the world that caused the amazing miraculous birth of Christ to help heal the broken and lost without judgement. I could go into a Bible lesson about judging others but I won't. Grace is for everyone so extend it this year and beyond that.

This year has been a trying year for many of us and unfortunately next year will probably be trying as well however if we hold fast to the grace and love and support that God has blessed us with whether it be through family, friends, a church congregation then maybe just maybe we can see a little bit more hope next year.

God Bless,
Ashley

Joy in the Morning Part 2

I have an anxiety disorder and from that stems insomnia.
There I said it.

I didn't always have anxiety problems, actually I didn't really know what anxiety was till I had it. I always thought it was some dramatic form of overreacting to things that people do for attention. Then I turned 23 and was married and realized I was living with the very thing I thought didn't exist. In the past year and a half I have been dealing with a great amount of anxiety, panic attacks, and sleepless nights. I never really told many people because I felt it was weak, and something to be ashamed of, and I was terrified of what people may think of me if they knew.

Recently as of yesterday I decided to go to the doctor about my anxiety attacks and insomnia, mainly because what was something I dealt with every other day became every day. No one looking at me during the day time would know that the whole night before I had struggled to catch my breath and to calm my brain so I can rest my head on a pillow, but I did. Funny thing about having anxiety is it's all mental. I can hide it like someone hides a lie their telling, interestingly by hiding my anxiety I was hiding a lie. I know some people won't understand still and they may look at me like I looked at others with anxiety and say that they were looking for attention, or sympathy or to be the spotlight.

I can promise you I'm not.

What I do want out of this post though is to make people aware that anxiety and insomnia are real. They are things that your daughter, best friend, sister, or coworker can be suffering from and unless they want you to know you won't know. I handled my anxiety naturally for a year and a half, just breathing and praying scripture over myself, and listening to worship music what came as a therapy the most was actually surprising, though I don't know why.

My dog. Yep you read that right my dog, she's a spunky beagle with a lot of attitude who most times can't sit still for 5 minutes, however this past week with my anxiety at a new high and no sleep occurring she managed to not just calm down but to calm me down. She laid on my chest allowing me to hold her as tightly as I needed till I was calm again and then stayed guard while I slept sitting next to me ensuring that no one interrupted my sleep. When I woke the next morning I knew that I needed to get professional help. Yes my sweet beagle was working for me this week, but just like my breathing was working for a while I knew soon it would fade and I'd be back to square one. So I went to the doctor.

After a long discussion with my doctor about how long my anxiety and insomnia has been going on and about how for a week straight I will have been lucky to get 3 hours of sleep consistently we decided it was time to try a very mild medication. It's not one of those pills that you all of sudden are happy no matter what, it's not one of those pills that you are numb to the world, it's a pill that is going to grant me sleep, and is going to grant me the ability to sort through my thoughts when I feel anxiety arising. Just like you didn't know I had such severe anxiety you won't even know that I am taking anxiety medication at all unless I mention it. My goal isn't to be on this medication forever and that's something my doctor is well aware of, while I know medication is there for a reason I also am one to not want to take advantage of it for a lifetime if I can help it.

So why did I share this? Why did I blast this all over my social media and in such a detailed way? Because I am not ashamed anymore, because after I received the first step to help in dealing with this I realized that there is probably someone I know close or not close that is dealing with the same thing or similar and their to scared to ask for help, or their to scared of what will happen when they ask for it. I know I was in that group up until literally yesterday afternoon. My best friend had been for almost a year begging me to seek professional guidance and I wouldn't because I was so scared of what it would do to my "reputation" or what it would do to the way people think of me, or if it would alter the way my family sees me. Then I realized all those thoughts right there was my anxiety once again stepping in where it didn't belong.

Last night in our nightly devotions and prayer my husband read to me about Joy coming in the morning, and as he read it I finally closed my eyes and fell asleep because when the sun comes up I know I am going to be okay, I know I have God to take care of me, and to continue to take care of me. I want this thought below to be the last thing read:

I have anxiety but I also have faith in God, I am NOT and WILL NOT blame God for the issues that I am dealing with in fact it's the opposite I thank God that I have wonderful family, friends, and Him to lead me and to guide me and come along side me. Bad things will happen regardless BUT God will take the bad and make them better.

The Reality of Blind Faith

   Recently in the past few months my husband and I took an endeavor and stepped out in blind faith trusting that the Lord would guide us, we could feel stirring within ourselves that God had a new place, a new heartache, and a new cross to carry. So we with our eyes blind to the future took that step and stepped down from our ministry positions, my husband no longer leading worship, and me no longer in a position to socialize and pour into children and teens and families lives. It was so hard to take that step, we contemplated it for months, fast forward now and we are starting to see the fruit of what God had in store for us.

   I can't really go into detail yet on what exactly we are starting on the path to, the only thing I can say is it starts with an OH and ends with IO. (inside state joke). Through the past few months we struggled with where will the loss in finances come from only to find during the hardest times of the months opening the mail to a random check from a bill over paid months previously, or someone who just felt the Lord prompting them to bless us. We had a vacation we had to cancel only to have it replaced with one that was fully paid and we were well taken care of and spoiled, to me being unsure with this upcoming year of any work I may be able to get before our big move only to a week before school starting getting blessed to continue the job that I loved so dearly the year previously.

   It has amazed my husband and I at how much God is willing to pour out to us when we simply step out in faith. When we step out on the water and we focus on Him, not looking at the storms ahead, not focused on the waves coming to take us under but to just focus on that bright and shining love and compassion filled open arms. God wants to bless you, He doesn't want His people to struggle, however He also has said that we as followers of Christ would face hardships, but one thing He made clear is we NEVER have to face them alone. I am praying for all of you who read this, all of you who share this, whom ever it reaches that you simply pray that God helps you in releasing control and stepping in faith blindly.

Mock Homemade tomato soup

It's starting to get cooler and cooler in the evenings so I thought what better way to kick off Fall than a yummy easy to make tomato soup. Sure you could easily make an instant can but nothing beats that home cooked flavor.

What you'll need:

1 jar of Vodka tomato sauce
Water
1/2 Cup of Whole Milk
3 Tablespoons of Sour Cream
1 hidden valley ranch packet
Garlic and Onion Powder seasonings
Ground Pepper

What to do:

1. turn stove top to a medium heat
2. in a saucepan pour jar of sauce
3. Fill empty jar three quarters of the way with water and pour into sauce
4. Pour 1/2 cup of whole milk in sauce mixture
5. Add Sour cream
6. Put packet of Ranch along with about 2 Tablespoons of onion powder and garlic powder
7. Shake to your liking ground pepper
8. Whisk together over the medium heat
9. Sit on a simmer for about 10 mins or until nice and hot, whisking occasionally
10. Enjoy

I highly recommend pairing the soup with toasted cheese sandwiches, and my husband sprinkled cheddar cheese in his when it was served. 

Puppy Pumpkin Icecream

So my sweet beagle Darby just celebrated her 1st birthday!! I know its a little crazy to spoil a dog for their birthday but science more and more has proven that dogs understand more than most people realized, so that being my defense I have a fun easy 2 ingredient recipe for icecream for puppies and also could be a yummy topping for adults on desserts!!!

What you'll need:

• 1 8oz container of cool whip
• 1 cup of pure pumpkin

What to do:

1. In a mixing bowl pour both contents
2. Mix well till its a nice creamy blend
3. pour back into the cool whip container and freeze for about 4 hrs
4. Enjoy! 

**Pumpkin is very healthy and good for dogs it's actually recommended over peanut butter, and it gives their coats a nice shine! Just be aware some dogs pumpkin run through faster than others so I don't recommend this if you aren't going to be home to take them out. Also I only recommend 1 scoop each day or every other day based on the shine you are looking to get in your dogs coat. If you give coconut oil I recommend 1 scoop every other day as coconut oil also has the same affect. 

2 Ingredient Pumpkin Muffins

So here in NY its a nice fall day, or so it feels, weather in the 70's, sun shining, great breeze and leaves you can see a slight change coming to. The only thing I felt was missing was something pumpkin. Luckily I keep a stock pile of pumpkin and decided to go through pinterest seeking some fall worthy pumpkin recipes. I found one that interested me for it's simplicity. It claims that from 2 ingredients I can have yummy amazing pumpkin muffins. So here is the recipe below, also I have the link at the bottom of the page because I try not to take credit for something that I did not come up with myself.

What you'll Need:
1 box of cake mix (recipe recommends spiced, but I don't have that so I did confetti cause who doesn't like sprinkles?)
1 can or 16 oz of pumpkin (make sure its not pumpkin pie filling but pure pumpkin)

What to do:

1. Preheat oven to 325
2. Mix 1 box of dry cake mix, and 1 can of pumpkin till its a smooth batter 
3. In a muffin tin either insert cupcake liners or spray with cooking spray
4. pour batter into each tin
5. place in oven for 18 to 20 mins, test if it's done pull out and let cool for 5 mins
6. Enjoy

*i found this to be yummy but for sure could have used the spiced cake mix if you don't use spiced cake mix add cinnamon and nutmeg and ginger 

**also makes about 18 muffins 

http://momcrieff.com/pumpkin-muffins-two-ingredients/

(This is the link to the actual site from pinterest for this recipe)

Skillet Buffalo Chicken Dip

So I promised a ton of awesome recipes to eat and this one is my husband's absolute favorite snack that I make. For the most part it's rather easy, and takes little to no time. It's also a crowd pleaser for parties, if you have a party to go to and your to bring a dish simply make the dip and put it in a crock pot on low at the party!

What you'll need:
3 cans of chicken (I prefer to use fresh chicken but canned is fine, it's what I used for this batch)
1 block of cream cheese
2 blocks of cheddar cheese or a jumbo bag of shredded cheddar cheese (really is up to you I had 2 blocks and just shredded it myself cause it came out more cost affective)
1 bottle of Franks original hot sauce
1 bottle of Ranch dip
1/4 cup of sour cream


What you do:

1. Get out a deep skillet and put temp on low
2. drain cans of chicken and dump into skillet
3. put the whole block of cream cheese in with the chicken
4. I use about 1/2 bottle of hot sauce and 1/2 bottle of ranch that get's poured in, but you can alter to your liking some people like spicier and some like less spicy (if you like less spicy use more ranch than hot sauce)
5. Add 1/4 cup of sour cream
6. stir and let simmer on low heat with lid on 
7. Stir the mixture every 3 to 4 minutes as needed to prevent from any of the dip burning to the pan
8. while dip is being simmered, shred cheddar cheese, or get the bag of shredded cheddar cheese, when the cream cheese has melted and ingredients have mixed well, slowly add cheddar cheese and mix as you add
9. Once all the ingredients have been mixed, serve hot, or pour into a heat safe bowl 

Homemade Lemon Pepper Tortilla Chips

So this is an easy recipe that not only tastes amazing, but is an alternative to the $5 bag of air that you get at the grocery store and you have more control over the ingredients going into your body and your family's body.

What you'll need:

2 Bags of tortillas (I used corn this time but you can get any kind of tortilla you want)
1 bottle of lemon pepper seasoning
Salt
Coconut Oil Spray


What to do:

1. Preheat oven to 350 (this is awesome cause there's no deep frying so you don't have that gross greasy feeling while you eat the chips)
2. Spray cookie sheet with coconut oil (you could use any spray oil, I choose coconut cause it has better nutrients and is healthier)
3. Take tortillas and in small stacks cut into triangles
4. Lay out tortillas on cookie sheet, don't worry if they are kind of touching cause they aren't going to rise or anything
5. Spray with a light spray of coconut oil, sprinkle lemon pepper and salt to your tasting (you can use any seasoning you want I chose lemon pepper so it has a nice flavor to compensate for not dousing the chips with salt)
6. Place in oven for 10 mins or until golden 
7. Remove and let cool for 5 mins
8. Repeat till you've made the desired amount of chips, I make 2 bags of tortillas worth so we have some to last us through out the week. 

Rainbow Icecream

So as I promised in my last post, I will be posting quite a few recipes this next week or so. This one I found a video for on facebook, and thought I would give it a try. It originally was called "Galaxy Icecream" and looked amazing however when it came to mine, it more so looked like rainbow icecream. Flavor was vanilla and was extremely creamy and delicious and I have to say that it was rather easy to make. I did alter the recipe to make a little bit bigger batch.

What you'll need:

• 4 Cups heavy whipping cream
• 1 14 oz can of sweetend condensed milk
• 3 Tablespoons of Vanilla
• 1 box of food coloring

What you need to do:

1. In a mixing bowl mix heavy whipping cream till nice and fluffy
2. mix in sweetened condensed milk till fluffy
3. Add vanilla and mix thoroughly
4. Seperate icecream mixture in 4 different containers evenly
5. dye each container of mixture a different color of your choice and stir
6. in a plastic container large enough to hold all the mixtures pour each color one at a time on top of each other
   
7. Freeze, I froze mine overnight the video on facebook said 4 to 6 hours

Mustard Seed of Faith

Hello,
I know it's been a while, what a crazy summer it's been! I owe so many recipes I can't even think straight!!! No worries, a yummy icecream one to be posted by tomorrow evening, I promise!!! Many blessings have been pouring out to my husband and I that it's almost hard to keep track of!! All of the thanks we owe to the Lord and those who are faithful to Him!

Recently I had an appointment (as recent as yesterday), a few months ago I did a couple of posts about my infertility and about dealing with and coping with PCOS. I talk openly about it to anyone who asks or who wants to know more information but I don't post about it to often partially because for me it's become so normal for me to have to deal with and then at times there are moments such as now that I have no way of really processing what is going on other than to type it out and see it in front of my face staring me back like one of those crazy reflections in those wavy fun house mirrors where it's you but it doesn't look like you. So as I have mentioned, this page is my open journal, my easy way of updating family and friends, and my way of letting people see what a normal life is like, which I think is so important with all the reality shows out there that don't seem to be so real.

My appointment wasn't bad in the sense of the doctor was horrible or the place was horrible, but hearing what I heard was not helpful. I was once again confirmed PCOS is the gift I will have for a lifetime, and to be honest I handled it like a champ in my opinion considering I've been dealing with this for years, however with new doctors they always want to be the one to diagnos a patient. Once it was confirmed we discusses how long my husband and I have been working towards having a child (1 year, basically since the day we were married, we knew it would be a long road ahead to children so we thought start sooner rather than later) it was explained to me that most women it takes 1 year for a pregnancy to occur, for women with pcos the chances of children are less, but as my doctor put it "not no chance, just not as much of a chance as a women with no pcos or fertility issues" (Lovely thank you for the new information on that one). She then proceeeded to tell me the plan of action we were going to take, and I have to say I am quite comfortable with the plan except for one little hiccup both tests that are detrimental to my treatment and fertility plan isn't covered by insurance, why? because it's not detrimental to my way of living so therefore it is deemed as not necessary by some higher up that sits in his or her office with all the things they could want who know nothing of me, they get to deem my husband and I wanting to love a child and care for a child and make sacrifices for another human being as not necessary to our lives.

Today in politics we have people voting for the "it's her choice" well shouldn't it be my choice then on if me having a child is detrimental to my well being? Shouldn't I get the final say as to whether or not fertility tests are detrimental? Shouldn't I get the easy freedom of walking into my doctor's office and having the proper tests that are needed without having to worry about where is the money going to come from?! We are so eager to give women the freedom to kill a child so she can have the life she wants, but what about the women who want a child but can't afford treatment for the life that she wants? Where is her justice?!!

I take this with heavy heart but I place it before the Lord, because I know only the Lord can bless us with a child, that ultimately when it comes down to it, The Lord knows the desires of my heart and He has that and better planned for me, I know that I need to keep quoting one of my favorite scriptures "Faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains" though I have worries and fears of what could come of my desires to be a mother, I hold tight to knowing "Fear not for I am with you." The Lord stands strong not only next to me but over me, and I claim the healing blood of Jesus over my infertility. What comes of it I will have to be okay with knowing that it is what God wants.

I guess this piece I've written isn't my best work,and I know it's a little scattered but ultimately what I am asking is that you pray for me, my husband and for this struggle and burden that we face, I want to also clarify, I trust in the Lord whole heartedly when it comes to the funds of these treatments and upon talking this through we are going to go through with the tests. I will keep you posted :)

**By tomorrow 8/19/16 I promise there will be a recipe posted!!!

Even the Littlest of Things

My husband and I recently have embarked on a new journey in blind faith, there is faith and then there is blind faith. I used to think they were both the same but in recent weeks I am learning they are by far different. Faith is trusting in the things unknown, blind faith is trusting in the things unknown while knowing as a human this is pure crazy.

We recently have stepped down from a wonderful ministry as youth pastors to a loving church with loving people and wonderful kids, truly we were blessed. However, in recent past 2 months we have felt God starting to "nudge" we started to feel this unsettlement of what once was settled. So we prayed, was it Randy's job? Was it my job? Was it the degree programs we had chosen to start in August? All of them were no's. We both thought "Surely it can't be our ministry position?!" and with a conjoined heart we knew "yes." that was the part that was unsettled. So with prayer we both individually and together came to the mutual decision of "It's time to go." I think what was crazy for everyone was that we didn't have another ministry position in line, we didn't have a crazy place we were leaving to go to. We just knew that in order for the place God wanted to work out next we needed to be completely stepped down and in that time humbly praying and asking God "Where do we go?" and hoping and waiting and praying that He would provide all our needs when it was time to go. We had many people ask "Where are you going? What ministry opportunity are you leaving for? Will you stay in the area? Will you still be in ministry? Are you stepping down from ministry all together?" It was crazy to answer but we simply could say "You know as much as we do, all we know is that God wants us to step down and wait on His word on where we are going next."

So Now its not even 7 days into us being out of our positions, Sunday was our last day, it was a beautiful last day at that, wonderful memories, conversations and uplifting words. I have always been one to remind someone "Faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains." It's a scripture I hold fast to when it comes to getting the desires of my heart that God has placed in me.

With this "move" or new place of ministry God has for us I started to worry and so did Randy, I know so dumb considering God has it all. Randy as a husband has worries of finding a new place we can afford, and that will accept Darby, and us both having an income, and being able to thrive in a new ministry setting. My worries as a wife differed, I mean I can agree with his worry, but mine was more Will I be able to make the new house a home? Will I make friends for us? Will we have a place that I can watch little Darby grow to love? and I think Randy and I both worried "Will we have the finances for the move? Will we be able afford the utilities that come with moving to a new place?"

So for me I categorized what I could as a human, I can't determine the social part, I can't determine if Darby will love her new place (though as a beagle so long as she can romp and play  and has a window to sit in the sun, yes I know like a cat, then she will be happy). I could determine what things would make me feel better about the move, Living in the apartment we have now I didn't have a need for a dinning room table as we had a bar in the kitchen with lovely kitchen bar stools to sit at, and I didn't have a need for a dresser because we had a huge walk in closet with floor to ceiling shelving, and we didn't have a headboard because it wasn't the top priority. So if your following this you probably can imagine what I decided to Trust to the Lord and have faith He would provide.

Now a headboard, dresser, and dinning room set doesn't seem like much to have to get, but for us in the middle of summer, we went from 3 incomes to 1 income, that is a huge jump down in finances. So I knew those items were going to not only have to fit our need, but also be something I could love and feel like would fit in our home now but also later, but it would also have to be EXTREMELY AFFORDABLE! Here below is how in 7 days God provided 2 out of 3 needs (and I am sure the 3rd is soon to follow)

1. The Dinning Room set: This happened Sunday, the day we stepped down from our ministry in blind faith, I found it on facebook on accident I wasn't really looking actively yet, it was a black iron table, with a white distressed wood top with hand painted paris details on it that made it look like it belonged in a garden cafe in Paris (which if you know me you know I love black furniture, iron details and Paris) I messaged the lady without seeing the price she informed me she had it for a high price but no one seemed to want it so she lowered it to $80, well for me I knew my husband was not going to approve $80 for a table and 4 chairs even if it was a great deal for how detailed it was, and with talking to her she managed $65!!! for 4 chairs and a table all personalized and detailed beautifully!!!



So after the dinning room table set, I thought to myself and outloud "Okay God, I see what your doing here, I am going to follow you on this. If I can get my dinning room table set, dresser and headboard, then I know the next place we go will be just fine."

2. The Dresser: This happened just now on Tuesday as I am writing this, it's only been about 48 hours after stepping out in blind faith and after looking on craigslist just to look I found some dressers in those 48 hours but none seemed to work out between price, location or availability. This morning I couldn't sleep so I looked in my email and low and behold a gorgeous $25 dresser with cabinet doors on top that would match Randy's dresser and fit my need. Upon discussing with the lovely woman who has no idea just how much God is using her in this moment to bless another family, she said "she felt it was time to get rid of it because she hasn't used it and it's just sat there looking beautiful, and that she hated to get rid of it but she just didn't have a use for it." *Insert my head screaming and laughing THANK YOU JESUS!!!**

Now I don't have a headboard yet, but it's only been 2 days, who knows by the end of the night I could be picking up a headboard in the morning.

Now that you have read my long post (Can we say I am making up for the time it's been since our last one?) I want to use this to say to you, Jesus said to Cast all your worries on Him, not just the big worries, but the small ones to. God wants to provide your needs, but you have to be willing to not just reach out and press in to Him but also to go where He guides you and do some of the work with Him, not do the work on your own but WITH HIM!!! Cast your cares on God and see what He will do!!!

Lifestyle Purge

So about every year around this time, I find myself reevaluating my life and my lifestyle, this year is the first year I am doing this as a married woman, and also as someone who is moved out of state and away from home. There were many new things this year for me and I have to admit I wished someone had told me not only is the first year of marriage hard, if your moving out of state, and elbows deep in ministry it's going to be even harder, there is going to be a lot of new things thrown at you at once. Personally I think when someone in my place in life get's married and moves away from home it should come with a free counselor for the year on call 24/7. I love my husband but it doesn't make it easy leaving.

Anyways, I have been dealing with alot of anxiety attacks and a few panic attacks even (yes there is a difference). The other night my husband worked from 2pm till midnight, not getting home to me till close to 1 am. In that time I made the huge mistake of looking through facebook and seeing all the negative posts, all the horrible news in the world and it overwelmed me and scared me. I went into a frenzy of an anxiety attack and had no one there to talk me down or to pray me through it, I was on my own for the first time. So I tried my best to breathe, and pray and say scripture over me, my favorite is "Though I fear, I trust in the Lord" and with time I eventually got to a normal breathing pattern. Then the Lord pressed upon me that I needed to look at my lifestyle and revealuate the choices I have been making, and take a personal inventory of my life, especially now as a married woman in ministry.

From that I gained alot of perspective, and I have to say these past four days have been amazing! Trying but for sure amazing!!! Here are some of the things I changed and my perspective on why I changed them, these are merely what I felt pressed upon me, each person is different though.

1. Remove Facebook and Messenger from my phone: Through praying and thought, I was brought to the realization that every time an axiety attack was triggered at night it was after checking and reading facebook, by removing the convience of it being on my phone to scroll through and read, I remove the negativity from being an hourly convience, and instead save it for times when I am on the laptop (which is a lot less than most would believe). From that I not only removed the urge to be on facebook when bored or unable to sleep, it also allowed me to stretch my brain more, read more in my books, talk to God more and really focus on Him. Social media can be fun but there needs to come a limit and a line drawn in the sand, if your picking up your phone to check facebook more than your Bible it's time to change!!!
2. Sort through and remove movies: This is a random one, I don't have many movies that would be deemed inappropriate by most, but I do have quite a few, and so I pulled them off the shelves, and I was surprised by how many still had wrappers on them, (over half) and most of them I literally held wondering "Why in the world do I have this movie?" So without thinking I pulled them off the movie shelf and threw them into a garbage bag.
3. TV Limitations: I have been finding having a smart tv that has netflix and amazon prime and on demand with regular tv that watching tv was to big of a convience, and I needed to cut some tv out of not just my life but my husband's life, we were getting so caught up in watching tv I couldn't remember the last time we had tea and just talked. So we made a few rules:
1. NO watching the news, yes we need to be informed however watching the news is purely panic driven and half the time repeated for a few days straight, we check the news on our phones each afternoon and that's it.
2. No watching tv from 9:30pm on: We sometimes will bend the rule if we both have off and will be up later but if it's a night where bed is going to happen at 10:00pm we try to cut off the tv as early as possible so we can focus on reading, each other, and just being content in the quiet. 
3. No tv before supper: We were letting what we watched dominate what we talked about when we ate, and sometimes even dictate when supper would be ready by removing tv we were able to enjoy our day better and not have as much being put into our minds. 
4. If one of us is uncomfortable with the show, it does't get watched
4. Fighting Fear with Peace: I read recently in a new book I started that in the scripture Jesus has conquered everything and that there was nothing to fear but God Himself. So with that I kept in mind that though I fear I need to put it aside and understand that Jesus lives within me and therefore I should have no reason to fear because the Lord who lives within me has already conquered all my fears. 
1. That being said I need it to be known yesterday I went out to eat with my husband and there were 2, not 1 but TWO seagulls two cars away from me and I got out of the car and walked into where we were eating without crying or screaming (I am terrified of sea gulls). this is a big moment for me, and probably for my husband to, there have been moments he had to leave a good parking spot solely cause of the birds.

So there you have it some new guidelines I have instilled and hopefully this inspires you to possibly take a life inventory, honestly we all have flaws so there is always something we should be working on! 

Marbeth's Amazing Choco Yogurt

So this past weekend I had the pleasure of spending time with Randy's aunt and she gave me a ton of healthy tidbits for recipes. One of which I decided to try today and it was AMAZING!!! This is a diabetic friendly recipe that fulfills everyone's sweet tooth and chocolate craving!!!!

What you'll need:
Activia yogurt: Your choice in flavor I chose Strawberry
Blueberries or strawberries: Dice the strawberries
Cocoa Powder: I used about 1 teaspoon


What you do:

1. I scooped the yogurt into a bowl to make stirring easier
2. sprinkle in the fruit of your choice (Aunt Marbeth freezes hers so its super cold) 
3. Stir in Cocoa Powder to your tasting
4. Eat and Enjoy!

Some fun facts about the ingrediants listed above:

Cocoa Powder: The dark chocolate can reduce cardiovascular disease, 1 tablespoon only has 1/10th of a gram of sugar. 

Activia Yogurt: High in Probiotics helps with digestion, Helps in preventing bone density loss, pumped with LOW FAT protein. 

*As far as fruit goes each fruit has its own benefits! 

Chaos that has Peace

**Before I start my usual long post of a thought, I thought I would give insight to the inspiration to this post. I was listening to "Whatever You're Doing (something Heavenly)" by Sanctus Real and "Break Every Chain" by Will Reagan. I recommend listening to these songs, especially if you've never heard them. **


     Recently there has been alot of peace that has been taken from us and from myself personally and especially from this world. I don't think I need to go in great lengths to say that there is a disruption of peace and an attempt to disrupt what is God's will for our lives. With the news, social media, and terrible attacks on peace throughout the world at our finger tips it is easy to wonder where God may be, it is easy to point the finger at the christians, or the muslims or the jews, or the buddhists, but in reality we need to turn our finger to ourselves and see what we have done. Look into ourselves and focus on what we have done to our personal relationship with God, what have we done to the honor of the Bible and the peace, love and joy that God explains as examples of love.
     I was going to write about my personal walk and my personal struggles I have been facing but I felt a prompting from the Lord instead to speak to each and every person who reads this about something that is far more important than myself and that is your personal walk, your personal life, your personal choices, your most intamet parts of your life, mind, and home. As I type this I am praying that God reaches you through your computer screens, cellphones, tablets, and touches your heart, and tugs on your heart so hard that by the time you reach the bottom of this post you have fallen to your knees and reached out to Him. There is no need for fancy words or setting the scene, no need to get dolled up and go to a church to do this.

Where you are, I am asking you, God is pushing and asking you, the person reading this screen to pray. Not to let out all the woes you are facing but to come to Him with a child's heart and just in your way express your deepest love, your deepest need for Him in your life, not just so you can have the things you want, but so you can change your heart and your mind and your way of life to serve Him and want what He wants.

I used to think that you needed to have eloquent words, or live a "perfect" christian life to come to Him and then I realized if I was perfect, if I did everything right, then I would not need Him, God isn't for the 'perfect' He's for the imperfect. If you've done something wrong, if you have strayed away these past few days, weeks, months or even years I want you to know God doesn't care, all He cares about is loving you and that your there now and your wanting to make things right. The best part: All you have to do is ask and He will take care of the rest.

For my strong willed christians: Stop judging others, stop comparing others to what the Bible says about the standard of living, now don't get this twisted. I am not saying to abandon the Bible and it's instruction for the way of life, what I am saying however is it's not your job to personally take call out each person and their issues that is the Holy Spirit's job and last time I checked you are not even close to being the Holy Spirit. I love your fire and your commitment but what this world needs is not us shaking our fists and throwing stones, but instead drop your stone that you have in your hand and look at yourself in the mirror you surely are not the one with a spotless heart. You yourself have made mistakes in your past some terrible and some very little but either way your not perfect.

For the ones who are on the fence: JUMP OFF THE FENCE!! I am here writing to you to tell you the plunge into your relationship with God will be so well worth it!!! The things your clinging to you and I both know are far less important and they will be hard to let go of but when you empty your full hands of useless things God bestows great and mighty things that far surpass it so let them go and grasp onto God and what He has planned for your life.

For the ones who hate the faith that I love so much: I pray for you, not for any harm, not for you to fall off the face of the Earth but that the hate that someone put in your life for my faith will be demolished and your chains will be set free so that you can experience what true happiness is, I pray that you fall on your face praising the Lord and when you finally look up you see His face and all of His splendor.

For the ones wondering where God is: He is here, He is with you, yes the world is scary and yes there are alot of terrifying things going on in the world but it's important you remember that fear is NOT of the Lord so if the things going on the world is scaring you keep in mind it's not of God, the things that are occurring is not God abandoning us, There is a free will that comes with God, God has a will but each person has to be willing to accept it, and if they choose not to then they are turning to their own devices of evil and they are turning to their own life, and as much as we may want to question it and fight it, that is God's will to allow each person to have the opportunity to CHOOSE Him and for that we must be respectful and know that when it comes down to it God has your back.

Lastly,
I pray that we take the stones and drop them, we open our arms and start embracing our neighbors, we start to pray unceasing not for destruction, not for a war but for a spiritual awakening of the Lord amongst our entire little big world. Please take the time to look inward and see what you have done within your own spiritual relationship with God. Have you tried to take over the Holy Spirit's job judging others and have you taken it upon yourself to decide who is worthy and who is not worthy to the Lord? Have you thought critically and ill of someone? Let it go and Let God handle not just them but you.

Creamy Salsa Ranch Chicken

So I feel I owe a fun recipe for the summer that won't involve a stove as the weather is hot and people want to avoid heat at all costs, and live very busy lives.

What you will need:

• 1 jar of salsa whatever flavor or heat you like
• 1 packet of ranch seasoning
• 1 bottle of ranch dressing
• 1 block of cream cheese OR 1 cup of sour cream
• 4 to 5 boneless skinless chicken breasts
• 1  box of rotini pasta (or any kind you prefer I do rotini)
• 1 onion diced
• 1 family sized can or 3 regular cans of cream of chicken soup

What to do: 

1. place crock pot on high
2. stick boneless skinless chicken breast in crock pot and cover with ranch SEASONING
3. spread cream of chicken soup, and sour cream or cream cheese on top of chicken
4. pour salsa in and spread through out
5. toss diced onion in
6. Let cook for 4 hours
7. Boil box of pasta
8. Pour a quarter of the bottle of ranch dressing in and stir
9. pour in pasta (drained of course) 
10. let cook for another 10 to 15 minutes
11. Enjoy and eat :) 

Understanding Anxiety

So after a recent (this morning) phone call with my dad I realized that for the first time it was ok to talk about having anxiety. We were simply talking about how the kids were doing and how everything was going up at my house (I live a state away) and then I went into the conversation of having a week for once where my anxiety doesn't overwelm me. That's when it hit me I need to talk about my anxiety because talking about my anxiety allowed me to feel some pressure within me release. So here it is my relieving pressure and being even more honest about the anxiety that I feel and go through.

I never really knew what anxiety was, I never really had anxiety issues growing up that I am aware of, it didn't start till after I got married I was about 3 months into our marriage and I started waking in the middle of the night unable to breathe (but breathing), my chest was tight like someone had put tons of rubber bands around it waiting for me to explode like a watermelon, I'd be sweaty but cold, and couldn't get back to reality for a minute, my head would spin in all sorts of natural disasters that could occur and what would happen to my family, what would happen, to my husband, what would happen to me. That was the first of what I would soon learn to be many. It started happening once a week then it went to having them almost every single night, to the point that when bed time came anxiety would occur over what would happen when I went to bed (I know double whammy).

I being a very religous person through all of it prayed, and prayed unceasing, my husband if woken would pray with me till I fell back asleep. Every morning when he gets up to leave for work at 430 in the morning he prays for me in hopes that I go without any anxiety. I firmly believe that anxiety is a mental illness but if caught in time can be relieved with natural remedies and I know that my God can deliver me from anything. Some would say that having anxiety and what not is just a spiritual attack on my peace which to some extent I would agree however anxiety is also something that many people within my family have had to deal with some with medication others with natural remedies. One thing I think we sometimes get wrong in the mental illness field is that because the illness isn't physical doesn't mean it's automatically spiritual. You wouldn't look at someone with cancer and tell them to forget the doctors and the meds and treatments because its all spiritual you just have to "pray harder" you'd expect them to take the doctors help because after all God created them to.

Then something broke within, my sister moved in and I started to feel a purpose other than myself, I was able to not just solely focus on myself and my husband and somehow having one family member made all the difference it was a grounding seeing her ok, let me feel like my family is ok. I still had anxiety but instead of it being every night and sometimes twice in one night I started to only have anxiety two or three times a week. Then she went home and at first I was still ok but it didn't take long for the anxiety to come back harder and stronger.

Now my sweet nephew is here and my sister is back visiting for a little while and it made the world of difference. So far I have had 1 anxiety attack this week and for me this is good, it only lasted 15 minutes and that is a grand difference to 2 attacks each lasting about an hour before.

So I guess with that being said please be mindful of the people around you, if you notice someone is off, if you see that someone is withdrawn consider the setting they are in, consider what is going on with them, consider that the person you think you know or the person that is a stranger on the street may have something more going on.

As for what I do with my anxiety when I have them:

• First thing I do is point out: 5 Things I see, 4 things I can touch, 3 things I can taste, 2 things I can smell, and 1 thing I can think of that is off topic from what I am having anxiety about
• Once I have gotten some grounding and a break in my mind I pray, and I pray unceasing till I am calm
• Then I go to the bathroom and wash my face with nice cold water to really bring myself back to earth if you will. 
• One piece of scripture I found once after an anxiety attack in my devotions that the Lord really gave me and I have held onto ever since was "Though I fear, I trust in the Lord." and I repeat this over myself whenever I start to feeling a slight amount of anxiety coming on and sometimes it works to stop the anxiety attack to ever come to flourish. 

I hope my honesty helps, and I hope that it is received well. 

Fragility Of A Pressure Cooker

Sometimes I feel like a pressure cooker, full of amazing ingredients and items that make me so unique and flavorful as a person. Pending on the things in life and the pressures and stress pends on the temp low, high, warm, off. When it comes to the amount of time I'm in that season in life well thats dependent on a few things most importantly being my relationship with God. Am I pursuing God enough? How are my devotions? Is this a season that God is walking me through to learn something great at the end? Most always the answers lie within those three questions.

Some people forget that each person has their limit "there maximum capacity" when it comes to handling stresses of life. We forget that each person we come into contact with is human and that they to have feelings, they to feel stress, they to have hurt they are currently working through, they to have their own battles they are facing sometimes facing alone shaking scared and worried. When it comes to my pressure cooker sometimes I hit a point where I feel like I could either explode and hurt all around me from the amount of feelings that are being piled in and mixed together, and other times I feel like I am going to implode on myself, and destroy all that I am and all that I was working hard on. When I get to both of these feelings it's important in those moments to pray, and to genuinely seek God. To know that His hand controls the time of which I am standing in, to know that He is the one who can raise a hand to the storms and the tornados and say "Enough" and calm the seas.

I have been very raw in previous posts about the things in my life and I have also been very private. One thing though that I wear with great love and respect is my relationship with God, over the years of my life God has been my standing ground of which I stand on. I speak with authority that God has given me from the testimony of my life and the events I endured and came through to the events that I will endure and go through. Do not get my words twisted here, I am not perfect I am not one of those people with my nose in the air to think that I am above what the world has when it comes to hurt, trust me I hurt deeply, I love with an unending line of love, I have nothing to lose when it comes to my heart being open.

From a very young age God impressed on me the compassionate heart to love, to love those who didn't love me, to love those who did love me, to love those who didn't love themselves. Most importantly He gave me a gift to see the fragility in life. The fragility in a young baby looking to be safe and to be held with great care and love, the fragility in a toddler looking to have their self worth defined, to see their roles being outlined in life, in family and in this great big world they've just started to open their eyes to. The fragility to a young child in school learning the hardship of "trying to fit in" and finding the voice inside them that says "your better than that" even more so seeing the picture that their role is in life becoming clearer. The fragility in a teenager who is yearning and looking to have respect, but at the same time so fragile in wanting love and attention and that affection and compassion they received as such a young child. The fragility in an adult in the real world, seeing the hurt and devastation and yet trying to keep their hope from breaking, their light from dying out, their picture from burning, and then the fragility in the elderly, who lived through the world, learned the rawness that life has to offer them, looking for the compassion yearning for the love that they had when they were a child, aching for the respect and ear to listen to the role they played in life, for someone's eyes to notice their picture, and for their picture to be hung on a wall to never be forgotten.

My life currently in all honesty is a pressure cooker of lovely flavors of things, however the temp that its on at this point in my life is high and the amount of time it's been cooking is much to long. I pray that God will lift the lid and say it's time to cool down, it's time to change the recipe that life has been cooking, and I pray that God refreshes my fragile spirit in this time of overwhelming tides.

Where two or more are gathered.

I normally don't talk about disagreements on here, I keep this an uplifting blog, but if I am going to write to you all about my life and about my marriage and give personal advice, then I also need to honest on the hard stuff to. As many have read on here by now, I am a christian, and I whole heartedly strive to do everything that honors God. One thing that I take very seriously in that aspect is my marriage needs to also be striving to serve God and make sure there is room for Him to be the center of our marriage.

Last night there was a disagreement, nothing crazy, but it was a disagreement and rather than going to bed, going on opposite sides or one of us leaving the room, we talked it out, and I mean all of it out. We worked it all out till 1 a.m. Is that crazy? No. Why not wait till the morning? Because when you go to bed with that on your head and seeping into your heart you cause a wall to begin it's building. Then you get up in the morning both extremely angry that you didn't get a peaceful night's sleep and you go about your morning with that anger on your heart so another brick get's added, by the time the conversation is able to happen the bricks have reached a new high.

One thing that my husband and I were told when we got married was to "Always pray every morning and every night together" by his Aunt (shout out aunt marbeth) and so when we got married and got settled in our apartment on 4 chalkboards we wrote our rules to marriage to hang above our bed to keep as a reminder and that was one of them. Below is a list of all of them. You see I don't think its coincidence that in the Bible it is stated "Where TWO or more are gathered I am there." In a marriage there is 2 people. When a couple prays in agreeance there is power and meaning there.

I've had the question posed to me multiple times "Is it really important to get married to someone who is equally yoked?" My answer "Absolutley" and I know some people say 'Well they could get saved from living with me and seeing me and how God is blessing me.' My answer is this, if that is the case from dating you, getting to know you, growing a friendship with you, if they haven't seen God and how amazing He is and accepted the Lord then most likely they aren't going to or at least they won't because of watching you. When you marry someone who doesn't carry the faith you have, who doesn't believe in the power of prayer your losing the reason to marriage. Marriage is a promise you make to serve God all the days of your life, its a merging of not just two people but two callings to coincide together. When things get tough and your praying for ultimate healing or for God's hand in a situation you need your spouse to be able to come along side you in agreeance and pray with you. You don't want someone looking at you and saying "Why are you praying? There is no God" or "Keep your God to yourself."

I've listened to couples who are married, who are simply dating, who are living together and one being a christian and one not, and its very alarming to watch. Your spouse is to keep you accountable, if your spouse doesn't hold to your faith, to your standards of living, to your beliefs then already your spouse has failed one of their greater tasks.

I could go on typing about this forever but I know by now I probably some readers, but if your still reading know this is something I pray about consistently and if your a prayer warrior I ask you pray it to. Marriage is a sacred thing and lately marriage has been thrown down in the mud and it's meaning has been devalued. Let's pray that God intercedes in these marriages and we see a fruitful tree of marriage again instead of a dry cracked dessert of unbelievers.

Btw: The five rules we live by

1. Never go to bed angry
2. Always pray morning and night together
3. Never yell at each other unless there is a fire
4. Sometimes marriage is a give and take
5. Always kiss me goodnight and good morning

Bringing a Spare Bedroom to life

So earlier in my blog I had blogged about redoing your house one small step at a time and just commit each week to do something to update your home that way it doesn't break the bank and step by step you start to get the house you've always wanted. Well over this past month I have to be honest it came out to be harder than expected with inheriting a teen and homeschooling and accepting a new job, Oh yes I accepted a new job and I love it but that's for another day.

We renovated our spare bedroom about 2 weeks ago which wasn't necessarily top on the priority list but it made it's way to top when we found we had a teen moving in (we couldn't have a teen move into a brown panelled room with small thumb tac holes all over) so we painted added new curtains, some small (and cheap) decor to make it look like the kind of bedrooms teens dream about. My husband being the amazing husband he is painted the weekend I was visiting home, and my mother in law hung the decor where I had left sticky notes to signify while I was gone. When we walked in it was absolutely stunning!!! (pictures below)

Where we got everything:
Bedding: Kohl's twin size set I used 15% off, plus it was already 50% off : $30 total
Curtains: Set of 2 at Christmas Tree Shop: $7.99 total
Curtain rods: 1 Large, and 1 small: Christmas tree shop: $15 total
Lighted Branches: Walmart, 50% off in the christmas decor left over section $4
Vase for Branches: Christmas Tree Shop: $6
Wall Hooks: Kohl's I used 15% off and it was 50% off: $7
Paint: 1 Gallon at Home Depot: $38

Total: $107.99
Why am I sharing this: To prove you can do an amazing room over with the stuff you have and with a little extra cash, when it came to decor we priced and compared to many locations and we also went through some of the decor that we already had sitting around the house to make the room look very fun and more like a home environment. Honestly though you don't have to spend much to make a room over, just a coat of paint can take a room you've dreaded seeing everyday and make it a room you never want to leave!

*** I will be posting our dinning room turned office/homeschool center/ lady cave so keep your eyes peeled.

Mother's Day for the childless

Mother's Day is coming up, all you moms who birthed children that is amazing and you deserve to be celebrated, but there are some ladies who also deserve to be celebrated even though they didn't accomplish what you accomplished. The childless by force. Some women have the heavy heart on Mother's Day of knowing they are unable to have children, or who are going to the ends of the Earth to try and either have a child or adopt a child because they want to experience the joy of being a mother.

Please husbands, boyfriends, family members and yes ladies to, keep in mind this Mother's Day and any other Mother's day that for some its a yearly reminder of something they may never get the chance to experience. Never get the chance to have the embrace of their child, or to receive the love from their child. I say their child because whether we the ones who deal with infertility get to have a child or not we have one we love in our hearts one that we dream of being able to care for and watch grow and guide through life.

Mother's Day has never been a joyous holiday for me or magnitudes of reasons but especially this year its trying, to finally be married and to be on the journey with God and my husband trying to get my body to cooperate to have at least 1 child (although not to sound stingy I would gladly take more than 1). Mother's Day reminds me of the things I may never become, of the things that I may never partake in, and of the things that I wish I was.

If you know someone or are married to someone who struggles with infertility here's some tips on how to help them feel included and celebrated:

1. Tell them Happy Mother's Day, I know you may think that, that may sound insensitive considering but they deserve to feel a part of everything going on
2. Pray for them/Pray with them: Acknowledge their struggle and acknowledge what their heart longs for and pray for them but also pray with them so they can see and feel the community surrounding them. Dealing with Infertility can cause many women to feel alone because they don't know who they can talk to about the struggles they are having
3. Don't use cliches: The worst thing for someone like me who deals with infertility is to hear the usual round of cliches "Just relax it will happen when it's meant to happen." "Maybe your just not meant to be a mom right now" "God knows the desires of your heart" "You must not be praying hard enough" "Your thinking to much about it" All of these are THE WORST responses to hear, Yes God knows my heart, Yes I pray alot about it, Yes I do think about it, but NO YOU DO NOT GET TO SAY THESE THINGS, why? Because until you know the struggles and until you have gone through the heartache of being childless you have no right to
4. Offer Encouragement: Offer a book of encouragement (it doesn't have to be about infertility just a book about healing, strength, God's love is plenty), or offer to meet for coffee or tea after one of their appointments or even before for prayer and peace of mind, for some who have to go to these appointments alone, offer to sit in the waiting room or to drive them to give them that feeling of community and support.
5. Recognize them: This sounds simple and you may already think that you do that, but recognize them and ask them how their dealing with their health, and how their feeling and GENUINELY listen, don't try to compare what they are going through with your friend's friend's sister's aunt, just listen and offer comfort. 

As for the mommy's out there Happy Mother's day you do deserve to be celebrated and you deserve to be spoiled by your loved ones your job is hard and no one can do it but you! 

It's the Morning

A while I ago I questioned God on where the hope in the morning was going to come from, when it was going to come, and when was my morning going to finally arrive. I can say happily and joyfully that over the hard time I had gone through I finally have reached that morning.

Recently my husband and I have been blessed with temparary guardianship of my teenage sister, not because she's bad, not because my parents can't handle her, but because she was getting put down day in and day out by the school she was in and because of the high volume of students the teachers weren't able to offer her the personalized education that she needed, and being amazing selfless parents that she has they offered her a new hope, a new beginning, and her being the butterfly finding her wings that she is she grasped it and clutched it tight with her hands. She at such a young age moved out of state to her sister and brother in laws house to be a part of a family she never quite was involved with and start a new. Most kids you would think would cry alot, or be angry, or play the self pitty cards that have been dealt but not her, she made them her muscle and she used them to get stronger and better.

While all of this was going on my husband and I had been getting ready to become foster parents, we had a teenager a while back but things didn't end very well and we had unhealed wounds from it, over time God healed those wounds but they still left some scarring. Right when we had finished our foster care classes, we received a call one afternoon it was my dad asking if we would be willing to take in my sister, and of course we couldn't object.

Through all of this we learned that though we go through storms, God makes those storms into a rainbow, He turns what was meant to harm us or hurt us into something that strenghtens us and gives us a purpose. I hate to be cliche but it really is true he takes the test and makes it a testimony. Now we have a lovely 14 year old who loves the adventures that God has placed before her and is taking each opportunity to the fullest capacity.

Please keep us in prayer as we continue on this journey that God has blessed us with and for our sweet little family addition even if it is temporary :)

Home

If you ask a child what home is you could get diverse answers, possibly the place they live, or where they go to sleep, or where their family lives. If you ask a teen what home means pending on the child you could get prison, the place you can't wait to leave, maybe the city or address. As we got older though home and it's meaning can tend to change, my home is my husband and wherever he is,  my home is my nephew and his smile and laughter, my home is my connection with God and that safety and protection from all that surrounds me. 

My home, isn't a house, it isn't a room or a certain group of things. 

My home is where I feel love, acceptance, safety. 

Take the time today to really think about what is your home? 

Running Circles: Reminding yourself of your purpose

I'm sure we've had those days sometimes even weeks where we just feel like we are running circles and getting nothing done. Today is one of those days. The fact that I am even able to sit down and type this post is amazing me as I do it. Part of it is getting done on adrenaline and the other part of it is getting done because I am taking a lunch break. So bare with me if it seems a little different than usual.

In the past week I have had more things piled onto me than I think the laundry basket has had clothes piled on it (and trust me that can be alot). Though this morning I woke up with scary news (only later to find God's healing in a scary situation) and had multitudes of people of vast differences calling me and texting me wanting to know answers, wanting to dump information on me, wanting to vent, wanting counseling, and yet here I am with my almost 1 year old beagle who won't stop chewing all her toys to shreds looking at me almost as if to say "Mom, your kind of scaring me."

Sometimes we go through these days and weeks and we wonder, "Am I even doing anything?" "Do they even care?" "If I disappeared would anyone notice?"

Today, I get it.

One thing that we have to remind ourselves in those moments is what God sees in us, that God would notice every single detail of us from a scratch on our hands thanks to a beagle who is behind on grooming, to a crazy hair out of place thanks to a chaotic morning. God notices and sees all of it, and He is there through it with us in the trenches running the circles with us, consider him the coach yelling "You got this." "Keep going your doing so well!" "I am so proud of you."

How do we remind ourselves of this? What are some safetys we can put in our path to remind us? Below I have some suggestions:

1.  Worship Music: I have a speaker with an ipod in my kitchen which is open to most of my house, I have it all set with TONS of worship music that all I have to do is hit play and my house is being flooded with worship music
2. Scripture of the house: We have a gorgeous turquise blue chalboard at the entrance of our home and next to the bathroom that states "Faith The Size of a Mustard Seed can move mountains." this is a scripture my husband and I have applied to our relationship, and things that have come our way many times so we felt it was the best scripture to keep as the "Motto" of our house. By seeing it in such a central location it is ingrained in our minds and our hearts. 
3. Scripture Everywhere: I am not obnoxious but I am obvious on the fridge we have a bigger sized magnet that reads "Hope for things unseen", In our office/dinning room we have the "Marriage Prayer" (lovely gift from someone that attended our wedding) In the bedroom above our bed we have 4 chalkboard with marriage advice from spiritual people in our lives. Having them everywhere helps us to keep the word of God central in our lives. 
4. Scripture Journals: I keep a journal with my Bible in my living room that I write the date, scriptures I've read with notes on how they stood out to me or the meanings I found within them, and worship songs that day that really helped me through the day, I also keep any notes of ministry videos I had watched and somethings that were said in them that stood out to me for instance the other morning I watching Joyce Meyer (one of my all time favorites) and I wrote the title of her message and the things she said that really I felt was a blessing to hear and a blessing to share
5.  I have a support system: I have friends though I don't see them all the time I know I can talk to and hear spiritually sound advice that will guide me through, moving out of town the hardest part was my entire safety net was gone, I didn't have Pastor Jamie on speed dial for a frappe run, I didn't have grammy in the living room to talk to, or Pappy to vent to and watch westerns, or my Aunt to make homemade hot cocoa and go shopping, or my nephew to love and cuddle and be distracted with. I lost all of it, most of them kept in contact but some of the people who were major parts of my safety net backed out completely I was out of sight and out of mind. That hurt's so it's important to be there for the friends who do stick around and come into your life so that you do have some sort of support! 

I am hoping this helped, and if you read the whole way through thank you so much! I know part of this was probably a little bit of a venting release, but I really pray that you walk with God in your journey and that you find peace within yourself and purpose within God. 

Husband Hints

I mostly write for wives, mothers and ladies, but this time its for the men. I know you all for the most part work very hard, and strive to offer a safe and loving environment. To be honest that's all we can ask for as wives is give us a safe home, and a loving one, and lead our family. However sometimes for wives we start to feel like the maid, the chef, the nanny, and the zoo keeper. Here are some helpful tips for you husbands and for you wives to help with preventing those feelings. My husband and I have worked really hard over the first year of our marriage (august 15th marks our year mark) to keep us from falling into society's rut in marriage.

1. Date Nights: Date nights out seem pretty obvious but there's one part to this rule that hasn't been upheld by society, PUT THE PHONES AWAY. Stop texting, checking facebook, no worries someone posted an animal meme, a music video and some quotes, and someone is complaining about life, it will all be there after your date is over. Take the time to enjoy each other. If you wanna take a pic fine but take the pic and put the phone away there's no need to post it in the moment. 
2. Date Night In: Having a date night doesn't necessarily mean  you need to go out, once every 2 weeks my husband and I have date night in where we make homemade pizza (dough and all) and watch a movie, we like to see who can make the better shaped pizza and its fun to mix all the toppings and come up with new varieties. (we also work together to clean up) 
3. Breakfast Duo: We take 1 day a week when we both have not much going on, and we split the duties of breakfast, he makes the chocolate chip pancakes, and I make the bacon or eggs (sometimes both) We joke that marriage counseling should consist of working in a small kitchen sharing 1 spatula. We were going to get an extra one but found that working as a team with our timing was kind of fun so we share a spatula (I know your probably thinking give it a couple years, and we will.) 
4. Compromise: My husband currently is loving watching the Masters Golf Tournament, He watches the golf tournament and I keep myself preoccupied or watch it with him (which adds humor) and afterwards or before he does something that I genuinely like such as (shopping, having tea and coffee together, starbucks date) It took us a couple months into marriage to figure this one out but if you give him the time to unwind from work, he'll give you the time to fill your love tank. (shout out to The 5 love languages book for that term) 
5. Grow together: Take up a class together, or get a book and turn the tv off and put the phones away and just enjoy learning and expanding your horizon as a married couple and individually. One major problem that has come up with couples and divorce is they say they "grew apart" that's because we as a married couple need to take the time to grow together, to offer things to satisfy our learning brains and make memories and adventures that draw us together. How do people often become best friends? They make memories that only them two have that draws them closer so make more memories!!
6. Pray together: This is last because if anything should stick in your brain this is the big one, My husband and I were given advice by his aunt (shout out Mar) and it was "ALWAYS pray in the MORNING and at NIGHT together" when you pray over your marriage and keep God the center of your marriage, your putting that protective seal over it, so that when the torpedos come to blast your marriage they bounce off. On top of that marriage is a promise made before God unifying two people by God. So God should be the center of your marriage anyway. 

***I hope this helps, if you have any tips that you don't see on this list comment them below after all we all could offer something to each other!!! 

Creamy Italian Crock Pot Chicken

I know it's been a while since I have posted a recipe, so I thought I would post one of my family's favorites, My husband on a weekly basis will request this one, not only is it easy for me to make, but it is nothing short of comfort food. I originally found a recipe like this on Pinterest but altered the amounts to fit the needs of my family as its just two of us.

What You'll Need:
3 boneless skinless chicken breast
1/2 cup of sour cream
1 large can of cream of chicken soup (or 2 regular sized cans)
2 packets of Italian dressing seasoning


What to do:

1. Turn crock pot on low
2. Place chicken breasts in all in one layer (don't double up) 
3. dump contents of cream of chicken over the chicken and spread it out evenly
4. scoop 1/2 of sour cream (doesn't have to be exact) spread around evenly
5. sprinkle both packets of seasoning evenly
6. Allow to cook on low for 6 to 8 hours (if you want to have it cook faster set the crock pot on high and it should only take 4 to 5 hours) 

** I usually will boil some rice before serving and serve it over a bed of rice, its basically a yummy chicken casserole. This recipe could serve about 3 to 4 people if you pull the chicken apart in the crock pot before serving (I usually do that myself) 

Worship strengthens the Weak

It's not surprise that it's been a hard time for me, moving from my family, starting a new life with my husband, taking in a pure breed beagle, leaving my church family, my support team being miles away, and then throw in there dealing with fertility struggles. It's hard. God never promised life would be easy, He never said "You'll never go through anything" He did however promise to leave us companion, a protector within us to help us and guides us and strengthen us. Who? The Holy Spirit.

I am almost through my first week of fertility treatments for my PCOS, and I have to say its been an extremely hard week! Between emotions on the fritz, my emotional buffer gone, and the pains I have had, my appetite is slowly decreasing some would embrace the lack there of eating, but not me, I eat all naturally for the most part to begin with so this concerns me. The only thing my body seems to want is water, ice cold water.

I have been asked why do the fertility treatments so soon, why not wait a little and see what happens, I could get blessed, and I agree I could get blessed with a child, however I also agree that Doctors were given to us by God, yes God will bless us and take care of us but we have to use the tools He has provided us with. I am truly and honestly praying and serving and trusting that my God will provide, He knows the desires of my heart, I am truly blessed to know and love a God that cares so deeply for my well being that He would bless me with an amazing husband who supports me and encourages me, he ensures he's there at every appointment so as a way to be a support and also an encouragement.

Today I am worshipping not for what God has given me, not for what I want, but for who God is in general. I worship because I am alive, I worship because those who I love who aren't alive know God and are with Him. I worship because by worshipping God, who is greater than me, I am strengthened, I am removed from my personal problems, my selfishness, and I am refocused to what it is that God wants my attention for. Never underestimate the power of worshipping with all of your heart.

**Tip: In our home I have multiple avenues of which worship music can be played, I keep an ipod touch and its dock right in my kitchen, a bluetooth speaker in my bathroom, a bluetooth speaker in my living room that can be moved anywhere. I encourage you to think of ways to up the amount of worship that plays in your house, sometimes I even leave worship music on in the background when I leave to run errands.

Patience

If your a wife or mother or own a beagle you probably already know that Patience is necessary to everything! Well I am just shy by a few months of being 1 year into marriage and 1 year into being a beagle mommy, and even now those things can't compare to the lesson of patience that I am currently learning.

When I was in Bible College my one professor my freshmen year had said to us jokingly "Don't pray for patience it will be the longest hardest life lesson to learn from God." and of course me being an 18 year old who wanted to prove something went back to my dorm room prayed that prayer and ever since I have reminded myself, I put myself in this mess. It's true learning patience is the hardest thing to learn and its a CONSTANT thing to learn. You don't read a book, know what it is and then be good, constantly life throws us lessons of patience our way it's up to us if we accept the lesson though.

My husband sometimes get's frustrated when we face adversity or major issues I tend to laugh it off and continue what I was doing, he always asked me how I could be so calm, "Do you not understand what is going on?" It's then in those moments God offers me the chance to whisper a lesson of patience to him, my response always and forever will be "You and I have no control over this issue, we can choose to let us be beat down or we can choose to let God handle it the one who already has His hand over the situation and can ultimately be the only one to fix it." He never quite likes to accept that truth sometimes because he's a "fixer" he wants to fix everything, handle it all, cross the T's and dot the I's.

Currently We are going through a personal situation that is a rather lengthy process and I have to admit I am having a slightly hard time taking my own advice on this one, I've gotten a bit stir crazy the past 48 hours and I have to admit each hour that goes by that I don't hear something I get a little more stir crazy. (Hence why I am typing away to you guys). This one thing could change the way everything is for us, in a amazing and blessing filled way!!!

Please just pray for us as we pray for you, as this step in our marriage could be one of our biggest ones yet!!!

Clean Spree: Apartment Remodel

With the new weather I am sure everyone has heard of "Spring Cleaning" when I was younger I couldn't understand why anyone would want to clean when the weather is nice, now that I am older and married (not old just not young like 10 anymore) I get it. We go through winters its dreary everyone is piled in the house or apartment and things collect, it's almost like humans have a "hibernation" or "storing for winter" as well. With the sun shining and flip-flop season upon us, my mother in law and I got to talking of all the projects we would love to do to our homes, mine was alot of painting and updating of equipment, hers was alot of organizing and updating of small pieces of furniture.

As we were talking a conversation she had with one of her friends a while ago who had boughten a house came up. She said her friend bought a house that wasn't in the best of condition and she told my mother in law that how they remodeled it to be the gorgeous home that it is now is, they updated something every week and through that not only did they get their dream home, but they have been able to keep the upkeep of their dream home. We were inspired in talking about this that we decided why wouldn't we do this? We have great projects big and small and some spare time here and there why couldn't we do it? So from that I made a wish list or a "brace yourself hubby" list. Here are the next few weeks that I have planned till summer:

Week 1: Pain the overhead lighting above kitchen counter and update the lighting fixtures (this has recently been done as of Sunday evening)

Week 2: Paint the hallway and entry way to brighten our downstairs apartment (I have been blessed with wonderful in laws who not only have taken my beagle for a couple days but offered to paint while I am gone as an Easter gift, CAN WE SAY BONUS!!!)

Week 3: Put together huge black pantry cabinets and install in side room off of kitchen (I ordered them a while ago, they got shipped to my aunt's house and easter week I will be bringing them home, what a journey just for some added storage)

Week 4:Purchase a curtain and curtain rod for my closet entry (I know this seems small but I keep saying I am going to do it and haven't in the almost 8 months we have been living here)

Week 5: Paint office/lady cave: I have a decent office/eating space off of my kitchen and am taking the back half of the room to transform into my own little safe haven of relaxation.

Week 6: Purchase the curtain and curtain rod to seperate office space and eating space

Week 7: Purchase the daybed/couch for in lady cave: this will not only offer me a cozy place to read, but can easily transform into a fun little space for when I have younger guests such as my little sister visiting (see mom an dad I can share)

Week 8: do final touches of my lady cave: decor, organization etc.

If I stick to this schedule, by the first week of May I can have a completely transformed space of living, and it will be all budget friendly, sometimes we think do everything at once but those little outlet covers, curtains and paint can not only take up our budget but it can take up our energy and our fun in renovating those spaces that by the time its done we don't even want to enjoy it. I will try to remember before and after pictures to post on here as I go, and your probably wondering why did she post all of this? So you my readers can hold me accountable, I have been known here and there to start a wonderful idea and then let my life distract me from finishing it!!!

The Season to Break Depression

Winter and Fall are known to be the more depressing seasons of the year, its dark dreary, cold and gray and it also brings holidays for some people who don't have family or friends to celebrate with. Now its starting to get sunny, flowers are sprouting, and you can see the animals out and running. Sitting out on my patio watching my beagle pup of a baby run around chasing sticks and looking at the wonderment that is known as God's creation I can't help but sit here and feel blessed and at the same time heart broken for those who don't get to see the view I see or who have gone down a slippery slope of an obis where the only thing they see is darkness.

We often times don't realize the amount of impact we have on ourselves, and the multitude of an impact that can bring to our marriage. When my husband and I first got married it was sunny and gorgeous the pool was still fun to swim in as it was still hot outside, but as the cool months came so did a wave of depression and anxiety that I thought was never going to leave or end. I thought of my nephew and how when I was home before we were married would come and we would have cuddle movie days in, in footie pajamas and homemade yummy treats coloring or painting. Now married, I was left with an empty apartment dark and gray, and just the company of a sweet little pup... but still no companion, no adventure of building forts, no child to bring me laughter. From my homesickness and adjustment to marriage I started to feel bad for myself, I wallowed, I wanted someone, anyone to reach out and socialize with me. My husband did wonderful he was always looking for ways to take me out but it didn't fill my socializing void or obis.

Finally the sun came out, the flowers sprouted and the kids were our riding bikes, playing basketball you can hear the clanging of the basketball hit the pavement even now as I type, it's a wonderful thing the sounds of summer around the corner and spring here for the moment.  Who would have thought that the sun would have such a great deal in our way of life and our way to get through the hard times. In that same token how could we not realize how big of a deal the sun plays to our every day life. The warmth it gives, the brightness that makes you feel like the best is yet to come on the horizon. In that same way, that's how God can make you feel, when you are close to God you feel that warmth, that celebration of love and renewing, a new start, when your distant from God, when your not pursuing God you can feel that winter upon your soul, the emptiness the void that seems to be so large and growing, and yet everywhere you go its just not quite what you are needing.

This Easter season that is approaching us next week take the time to really hone in on God and understand the Son that He offers to you, the renewing that He wants you to receive, the fresh air the ability to breathe and start new. If you haven't already consider accepting Him into your life, make the change that could save you.

Soda Cake

So I saw a post on facebook that stated you can make any cake box mix with any 13 oz of soda, so I decided to try it today.

Here is the photo I found on Facebook:



So What you'll need:

• 1 can of soda or 13 oz of soda
• 1 box cake mix

What to do:

1. Preheat oven
2. mix cake mix and soda together (nothing else)
3. Stick in oven at time directed on box

I have to say I have never seen a cake rise so evenly before ever, it took a matter of 2 minutes to mix together and stick in the oven and I had only 1 dirty dish. I was highly impressed, while it still doesn't beat a from scratch cake, it does help when your in a bind for a cake. I highly recommend!!!